Mr. Givens: I have a special treat for y'all today. My dear friend and former college roommate is here from the Johnson Space Center in Houston to talk to us about our space program. And yeah, I know what you're thinking. These guys were roomies. How does one go on to be a-a fancy scientist at NASA, and the other's teaching freshman science at a public high school? Yeah, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I was thinking that.
Mr. Givens: Thank you.

Dr. Hodges: Now, of course, before we can set out to explore the solar system, we've got a few minor problems to overcome. Not the least of which is, every time we launch, it costs the U.S. taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars. [Sheldon raises his hand]
Mr. Givens: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Dr. Hodges: Yes?
Sheldon: If you want to save money, why don't you land the booster rockets instead of letting them drop in the ocean?
Dr. Hodges: [LAUGHS] That's a cute idea, but, uh, it's not technically possible.
Sheldon: Why not?
Dr. Hodges: Well, it's hard to explain. The math is pretty complicated.
Sheldon: Perhaps I could help you with it.

Tam: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I'm not. [slides over his paper]
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: A B-plus that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.

Sheldon: Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
Tam: But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this. [head
Sheldon: I'll greet you like that.
Tam: It's not the same.

Tam: Hello.
Sheldon: Tam? What are you doing here?
Tam: Would you like to go to a party with me?
Sheldon: I don't want to go to a party with anyone.

George Sr.: You have any more, uh, arithmetic ideas for next week's game?
Sheldon: I do, but I'm trying to finish my homework.
George Sr.: Ah. Looks complicated.
Sheldon: Advanced chemistry. It's not.

George Sr.: I got you a present. Thought it might help with your figures.
Sheldon: I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.

Meemaw: Hey! There's my little Moonpie. Did you get a chance to look at this week's games for me?
Sheldon: Not yet.
Meemaw: You understand there's a little time crunch involved? Meemaw's got some outstanding loans I need to pay back.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I have to finish my homework and then I have to help my dad.
Meemaw: Come on. I'm your meemaw. I make you cookies. How 'bout a little quid pro quo?
Sheldon: As much as I enjoy your use of Latin, no.

George Sr.: I got something for you.
Sheldon: It's dirty.
George Sr.: Well, that's 'cause it's the game ball. And you earned it, 'cause you helped us win.
Sheldon: Okay, but can you wash it?
Mary: Sheldon, your daddy's telling you he's proud of you.
Sheldon: I see. Thank you, Dad.
George Sr.: You're welcome.
Sheldon: I'm still never touching that.
Mary: Let's go wipe it off.

Sheldon: Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Tam: You're not?
Sheldon: I was touched 82 times this afternoon.
Tam: What do you mean, "touched"?
Sheldon: Not inappropriately. Joyfully. Affectionately. A cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.
Tam: That's amazing. [goes to high five Sheldon]
Sheldon: No more high fives. I can't keep washing my hands.

Sheldon: How come Mom's not taking me to school?
George Sr.: 'Cause once in a while, your dad wants to spend some time with you. My little Shel-man.
Sheldon: But Mom's car has a backseat. Statistically, I'm much safer there.

George Sr.: Hey, I'm glad you brought up statistically. You think those numbers you talked about for Texas A&M would apply to my JV squad?
Sheldon: I don't see why not. Unlike our former principal, math doesn't discriminate.

Sheldon: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own five-yard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life. I don't think your math is right.
Sheldon: Really? Hang on. [thinks for a second] No, it's right.

Sheldon: What I find interesting is how many supervillains are scientists: Doctor Octopus, Doctor Doom, Lex Luthor, Green Goblin, the list goes on and on.
Tam: So?
Sheldon: So if the world doesn't respect me, I might change sides.

Tam: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: Oh, hello, Tam.
Tam: I thought you said comic books are for children.
Sheldon: I'm a complicated young man.

Sheldon: I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble with the onomatopoeia.
Tam: The what?
Sheldon: The onomatopoeia. Words that imitate sounds. "Kthoom" "Snikt" "Bamf" Writers shouldn't make up words.
Tam: Somebody made up "onomatopoeia".
Sheldon: You challenge me. I like that.

Sheldon: Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods?
Mary: No, he just wants to talk to you about it.
Sheldon: Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage?
Mary: Not in those exact words.

Sheldon: (inspecting a comic book) 40 cents? Outrageous.

Adult Sheldon: As fate would have it, the comic I picked up was called X-Men. Young mutants with incredible powers who were feared and misunderstood by the entire world.
Sheldon: Hey, it's about me.