Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

Mary: Shelly?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Mom, but if I answer that question, I'd be violating my experimental protocol.
Mary: Okay, moving on.

Missy: Don't be scared, Sheldon, it's just a parade.
Sheldon: I already don't like dogs. Gigantic and floating does not help.

Sheldon: Subject D is attempting to influence Subject G regarding relocating.
George Sr.: What about you, Sheldon?
Sheldon: What about me what?
George Sr.: Could you ever see yourself leaving Medford?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm unable to express an opinion at this time.
George Sr.: Why not?
Sheldon: In the interest of science, I have to remain a neutral observer.
George Sr.: Glad I asked.

Mr. Givens: All right, with Thanksgiving weekend approaching, it's the perfect opportunity to observe family dynamics and how our parents, relatives and siblings affect us. Now, the-
Sheldon: Yes, Sheldon. I don't find that interesting.
Mr. Givens: Well, tough knuckles, that's the assignment. Now, you'll all be expected to collect data on your family, form a hypothesis, and make a prediction.
Sheldon: So you're giving us homework for Thanksgiving?
Mr. Givens: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, boy!

Sheldon: This is hooky, Meemaw. Hooky is a serious offense.
Meemaw: You're messing with me, right? Any other kid would be thrilled their grandma took them out of school to play a video game.
Sheldon: You've known me ten years. When have I ever messed with you?

Sheldon: Where's Georgie?
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
Sheldon: I wasn't worried. I was practicing chitchat.

George Sr.: Your mother's taking him to school.
Sheldon: That's not very efficient. Our car's already going there.
George Sr.: Not that it's any of your business, but I needed a break from your brother.
Sheldon: I certainly understand that. He's an acquired taste. Like Grape-Nuts. The first time I tried it, I thought I was eating gravel. But then I put a little sugar on it and let it get soggy. Now it's in my top six cereals.
George Sr.: I'll try soaking Georgie in a bowl of milk.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: I had a feeling. The clue was you don't normally put people in bowls of milk.

Announcer: Will Sheldon Cooper please come to the main office?
[STUDENTS OOHING]
Sheldon: "Ooh," what?

Sheldon: That fibber. [calling Meemaw] You're playing the game right now.
Meemaw: I am not.
Sheldon: I saw you with my binoculars.
Meemaw: Oh. How about that.
Sheldon: You promised not to play without me. We're a team. Emelda Showmen, remember?
Meemaw: I'm turning off the game and going to sleep right now.
Sheldon: You'd better. I love you, good night.

Sheldon: I also found us extra life points inside a demon.
Mary: There are demons in this game?
Sheldon: Don't worry, Meemaw cut his head off.

Meemaw: Okay, we need to set a few ground rules.
Sheldon: Rules, love 'em.

Sheldon: Now we need to put in a name before we start.
Meemaw: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: We should combine the letters in our two names, Sheldon and Meemaw.
Meemaw: Like, uh, ShelMaw?
Sheldon: No, using all the letters, like Emelda Showmen.
Meemaw: Did you just do that in your head?
Sheldon: Yes, why?
Meemaw: Never mind, just put it down.

Sheldon: Should I go left or right?
Meemaw: Why don't you try going in that cave?
Sheldon: Why would I do that? It's probably dangerous.
Meemaw: Sheldon, they wouldn't have put the cave there if they didn't want you to go in it.
Sheldon: Seems unnecessarily reckless, but okay. "Dark and dangerous." I told you.
Meemaw: Just keep going.
Sheldon: The box was right, my heart is pounding.

Meemaw: Why don't you let the old person give it a shot?
Sheldon: Would you like me to give you a tutorial first?
Meemaw: Give it to me. I'll figure it out.
Sheldon: We are such different people, Meemaw.

Meemaw: I'm not getting any younger.
Sheldon: I have to read the instructions first. Did you know this document gives us specific legal rights? We may also have other rights which vary from state to state?
Meemaw: I did not.
Sheldon: Well, now you do. All right, I'm ready.
Meemaw: Great!
Sheldon: To read the manufacturer's warranty.
Meemaw: Oh, you're killing me.

Sheldon: "Brave adventurer, prepare to enter a world beyond your imagination. Where the only sound you'll hear is your own heart pounding as you race through the dark woods." This sounds terrifying.
Meemaw: Really? You don't even want to try it?
Sheldon: Honestly, I'd have more fun with the Crock-Pot.

Meemaw: Fine. I'll just play by myself.
Sheldon: That's amusing.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: I guess it's the juxtaposition of an old person using new technology; it tickles me.
Meemaw: What if this old person really tickles you?
Sheldon: [LAUGHING]: I'll play! I'll play!

Barry: What were you thinking?
Paige: I got bored.
Sheldon: 'Cause you're a baby.

Sheldon: This is oddly reminiscent of a dinner with my family.
Paige: You're funny.
Sheldon: I know.