Sheldon Quotes
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Mary: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Sheldon: Yes. I really wanted to go to this lecture, and I understand that I upset Meemaw very much. So which one of you will be taking me?
Mary: No one's taking you.
George Sr.: You're not going, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You two are even more selfish than Meemaw.
[cut to Sheldon in his bedroom:]
Missy: How long you grounded for?
Sheldon: A month.
Missy: That sounds right.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Sheldon: Hello. Am I correct that the bus to Dallas has a stop in Rusk?
Stan: Yup.
Sheldon: I'd like to buy one ticket, please.
Stan: You need an adult to buy it.
Sheldon: Oh, I didn't know.
Stan: That's the rules.
Sheldon: I'm just trying to visit my friend in the hospital. Not the regular kind of hospital, a psychiatric hospital. He's actually a brilliant scientist in the field of theoretical physics. Dr. John Sturgis, you may have heard of him. Anyway, he's a great guy. We're almost the same height... And then he and my meemaw became a romantic item, not that there haven't been bumps in the road. I actually helped them by writing up a relationship agreement. I love drawing up contracts. But I don't love drawing. Interesting. Anyway, he doesn't drive. Maybe one day he'll take a bus and you'll get to meet him. Anyway... Even though I'm clearly her favorite grandchild, she swatted my bottom. It didn't hurt that much physically, but emotionally, it stung like the dickens.
Stan: Here you go. One ticket to Dallas with a stop in Rusk.
Sheldon: But that's against the rules.
Stan: I'm an adult, I bought it.
Sheldon: Ooh, a loophole. Thank you. I'd tell you all about the etymology of the word "loophole," but I have a bus to catch.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Clara: Anyone sitting here?
Sheldon: No.
Clara: Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm quite a capable traveler. I've memorized the entire bus schedule for the state of Texas. Ask me anything.
Clara: No, thanks.
Sheldon: Okay, but if at any point you'd like to know what time the bus from Waco arrives in Houston, ask away. 4:15, except on Fridays when they make a local stop in Huntsville.
Clara: No wonder this seat was empty.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you just smell like that all the time?
Clara: What?
Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you smell like I heard it.
Clara: I'm just wondering who raised you.
Sheldon: My mother and father, and I suppose my meemaw.
Clara: Well, they don't seem like they're doing a great job.
Sheldon: Tell me about it. It's been quite the week.
Clara: I'm sure I'll regret this, but how so?
Sheldon: Before I tell you the story, how much do you know about the mathematics of robotic communication? That's okay. I'll put it into terms a bus lady can understand. There's a wide range of protocols used for inter-robotic...
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Clara: So how old is this professor friend of yours?
Sheldon: 73 and a half.
Clara: And why are you going to see him?
Sheldon: Because everything made sense before he went away, and now no one's on my side.
Clara: So you think only a person in a mental hospital can understand you?
Sheldon: Correct.
Clara: That's the first thing you've said that sounds right.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Sheldon: And then they grounded me. Can you believe it?
Clara: Yes.
Sheldon: But I didn't do anything wrong.
Clara: You did everything wrong. You were nothing but rude and ungrateful.
Sheldon: You really think so?
Clara: The only selfish person in that story is you.
Sheldon: There's a Star Trek episode called "The Devil in the Dark" where the miners thought the Horta was the monster, but actually the miners were the monsters because they were killing its eggs. Are you saying it's like that?
Clara: Sure.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Sheldon: I think you all understand why I wanted to show you this.
George Sr.: No.
Sheldon: It's an apology. I was the miners, you were the Horta.
Meemaw: How about just saying, "I'm sorry"?
Sheldon: Wow, you're really not getting this. Let's watch it again.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Adult Sheldon: Since I no longer had a college class with Dr. Sturgis to stoke my intellectual fire, I needed to find someone else who was up to the task of being my mentor. A great mind. A once-in-a-generation thinker. Fortunately, my schedule was wide open.
Sheldon: School's in session.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
George Sr.: Hey, Tam. I can't find Sheldon. You know where he is?
Tam: I promised not to say.
George Sr.: Tam!
Tam: Lucky for you I'm weak.
[later, as George finds Sheldon's secret study hall:]
George Sr.: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: I knew Tam was weak.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
George Sr.: What do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.
George Sr.: Well, get out of here. You're going back to class.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
George Sr.: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I don't learn anything in class. But in here I've taught myself the applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and how to whistle. [blows air] Well, sound came out yesterday.
George Sr.: You can't spend your day in a broom closet.
Sheldon: It's no longer a broom closet. It's now a citadel of higher learning.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Sheldon: Same room. Different teacher. Same night. Different time. This is a real roller coaster.
Meemaw: Yeah, it's wild.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Dr. Linkletter: Connie. So nice to see you.
Meemaw: Nice to see you, too. Sheldon, this is Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: [holding out his hand] I've heard so much about you.
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Dr. Linkletter: Just a warning: today's lecture is rather advanced.
Sheldon: Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Dr. Linkletter: So then we're able to take the ends of the strings and connect them to a ten-dimensional membrane. Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis taught us that if you leave the strings open, it allows far more possibilities.
Dr. Linkletter: We don't believe you need open strings anymore. That's an older model of thinking. Now... Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Just because something is older doesn't mean that it's not still good. Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr. Data is better than Mr. Spock, you don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you're talking about.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Mary: Shelly? Shelly? Everything okay?
Sheldon: [nasally voice] Hunky-dory. Why?
Mary: Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input. I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation. But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.
Mary: Who's Nikola Tesla?
Sheldon: One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.
Mary: Okay. And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?
Sheldon: Oh, highly. He found human contact revolting.
Mary: [sigh] Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?
Sheldon: Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Sheldon: Why aren't you also driving Missy to school?
Mary: I thought it might be nice for us to chat.
Sheldon: About Missy? She is a bit much, isn't she?
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Mary: Here's a question for you. Do you ever see or hear things that other people can't?
Sheldon: Oh, all the time. Right now, the car antenna is vibrating at the same frequency as the pistons in the motor. It's quite irritating, but you know me I don't complain.
Mary: I meant more like things that aren't actually there.
Sheldon: Ah, isn't that the fundamental question of modern metaphysics? What is actually there? This is fun. Missy should ride with Dad more often.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Mary: Let me try this a different way. Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?
Sheldon: I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.
Mary: That's fair.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Sheldon: Do you have any books on mental health?
Ms. Hutchins: Sure. Why?
Sheldon: I believe my mother is unraveling.
- View another character
- Sheldon
- Mary
- George Sr.
- George Jr.
- Missy
- Meemaw
- Pastor Jeff
- Adult Sheldon