Sheldon: And then she said, "Maybe you're just dreaming."
Meemaw: Are you gonna drop the class?
Sheldon: Yes, but only after I systematically destroy her half-baked arguments in front of everybody else.
Meemaw: It's good to have goals.

Sheldon: I stopped at the library today and picked up books on epistemology, Descartes's dream argument and the foundations of scientific logic. Do you know what she's going to do?
Meemaw: Rue the day?
Sheldon: The day, the night. If it's rue-able, she's going to rue it.

Mary: What if we don't turn the TV on at all and we play a board game?
George Jr.: Come on.
Missy: Seriously?
Sheldon: [v.o.] "So that a genealogy of concepts results, in which each one has its definite place."
Mary: Shelly, it's your turn. Shelly?
[Sheldon and Mary are suddenly alone at the table:]
Sheldon: What's happening?
Mary: We're playing a board game.
Sheldon: Before dinner?
Mary: You ate dinner.
Sheldon: Did I like it?
Mary: You said the meat loaf was dry.
Sheldon: That sounds right.

[dream sequence:]
Sheldon: Hello?
Rene Descartes: Bonjour, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Bonjour, René Descartes.
Rene Descartes: Please, sit.
Sheldon: I see you're reading a book on philosophy by Aristotle.
Rene Descartes: I am. And it is garbage! Aristotle is, how you say, a punk! [throws book on the fire]
Sheldon: I'm also having trouble with my philosophy professor.
Rene Descartes: Hmm?
Sheldon: She says that we don't know if science is true.
Rene Descartes: Mon dieu! Without science, we know nothing. No different than the dogs and kitties in the street wandering around in a fog of ignorance with the woofings and the meowings.
Sheldon: So how do I get her to understand that science can form true beliefs about reality as it really is?
Rene Descartes: Ah, young man. You are you asking what is the foundation of knowledge, huh?
Sheldon: Yes.
Rene Descartes: Well, hold on to your chapeau.
Sheldon: I'm not wearing a chapeau.
Rene Descartes: It is just an expression.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Rene Descartes: All knowledge must rest on a foundation that we can never doubt and that is...
[Sheldon wakes up:]
Sheldon: Of course.

Professor Ericson: So we learned that the theory of knowledge poses some very serious problems.
Sheldon: [enters] Excuse me, Professor Ericson. I've done a little reading since last we spoke, and I'm prepared to show you that everything we know about science is true.
Professor Ericson: Well, I am all ears.
Sheldon: You said I couldn't truly know anything, but there is one thing that I do know. If I question, I must think; If I think, I must exist. Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am.
Professor Ericson: You're right.
Sheldon: You're darn right I'm right.
Professor Ericson: Guys, g-give it up for Sheldon. [applause] Now for a job well done... here is a flower full of sweet nectar.
Sheldon: Why would I want that?
Professor Ericson: Because you're a butterfly and this is just your dream.
Sheldon: I'm not a butterfly.
Professor Ericson: Are you sure? [laughs]
[Sheldon wakes up:]
Sheldon: It was a dream. Oh, no. [camera pans out] Help! I'm a butterfly! Nothing I know is real! Everything is a dream! Missy, help! [Missy holds a fly swatter] No!
[Sheldon wakes up:]
Sheldon: Missy, am I awake or is this a dream?
Missy: Shut up, dingus.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm awake.

Mary: Shelly, you feeling all right?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: How come you're not dressed?
Sheldon: Why should I?
Mary: 'Cause you're gonna be late for school.
Sheldon: I'm not going to school.
Mary: Why not?
Sheldon: Because I don't know what's real.
Mary: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Dreaming and waking, life and death, philosophers and butterflies, they're all the same. Nothing matters.
Mary: That's an interesting way of looking at things. George?

Sheldon: Can you show me where the used physics textbooks are?
Jason: Follow me.
Sheldon: Normally I would prefer a fresh new textbook, but my father is a high school football coach. Which is another way of saying we're poor.
Jason: Here you go.
Sheldon: [opens book] Who owned this, a werewolf?

Sheldon: Not so bad. [turns page] I would have highlighted that. [turns page] And someone drew genitals.

Sheldon: [sighs] If you highlight everything, you highlight nothing. [checks watch] Uh-oh. [to Jason] Young man, don't move these books. I have a system.

Sheldon: Help me with my clothes.
Missy: Burn them and get new ones.
Sheldon: Please, it's freshman orientation. I want to make a good impression.
Missy: Fine.
Sheldon: Which bow tie says mature enough to be in college but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon?
Missy: They both say weird kid who eats alone.
Sheldon: Come on. I know you're concerned about what you'll wear to middle school.
Missy: [sighs] Show me again. The blue one. Plaid's too busy.
Sheldon: Thanks.
Missy: Or don't be the kid in a bow tie.
Sheldon: This is not the day to go crazy.

Mary: My son, the college freshman. I can't believe it.
Sheldon: How can you not believe it? You had to sign my vaccination form.
Mary: Right. So, what do you want to do first? I was thinking we could start at the bookstore, try and beat the lines.
Sheldon: I agree about the lines, but what do you mean "we"?
Mary: I mean you and me.
Sheldon: This is my first day. I can't be seen walking around campus with my mommy.
Mary: Well, it's only orientation.
Sheldon: Yes, and I'm quite capable of handling everything that I need to get done today on my own.
Mary: I'm sure you are. I just figured, with Dr. Sturgis not around, it might be nice if I could be.
Sheldon: No one else's mother is going to be.
Mary: You don't know that.
Sheldon: Well, I know mine isn't.
Mary: [sighs] You might want to watch the attitude to the person who's driving you there.
Sheldon: Not all the way there. Drop me off a block away so no one sees us together.
Mary: Sorry, I am not leaving you alone your first day.
Sheldon: Yes, you are.
Mary: For someone going into college, you are acting very childish.
Sheldon: Maybe it just appears that way because you see me with my mommy.

Mary: How's it look?
Sam: Cute.
Sheldon: Why are you here?
Mary: I ran into Sam.
Sheldon: Yes, you're a person I know.
Mary: Hey, aren't you supposed to be getting your I.D. photo?
Sheldon: I got a little waylaid.
Mary: Can I help?
Sheldon: No, everything is perfectly under control. And take off that sweatshirt. You don't go to school here!
Sam: [to Mary] See? Worth every penny.

Sheldon: [to himself] Stay calm. You can make it. [Sheldon crashes into another student] Aah! Honestly, who drinks a Slurpee at 11:00a.m?

Sheldon: I made it! I'm here! [panting]
Janet: Fill this out and sign the... Um, there's a bee on you.
Sheldon: What?

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Adult Sheldon: As long as I can remember, unlocking the mechanisms that govern the physical universe was my greatest passion.
Mary: Whatcha workin' on?
Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons.
Adult Sheldon: Hey, even Hawking took a roll through the park once in a while.
Sheldon: I'm working on a new campaign to play with Tam and Billy.
Mary: You know how I feel about that game.
Sheldon: I'm aware, which is why the most wicked thing in it is my sense of humor. [doorbell rings]
Mary: [sighs] I still don't like it. But you are playing with other kids, so I'll take it as a win.
Adult Sheldon: Not just playing with other kids, controlling every aspect of their destiny as their Dungeon Master overlord. I didn't believe in God but I sure loved acting like one.

Mary: All right, baby, we're leaving here in a few minutes, but we'll be back on Sunday and your Meemaw will be here. [Sheldon doesn't respond] Sheldon?
Sheldon: What?
Mary: We're leaving.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Mary: To San Antonio.
Sheldon: When are you leaving?
Mary: In a few minutes.
Sheldon: When will you get back?
Mary: Sunday.
Sheldon: But who's going to watch us?
Mary: Meemaw.
Sheldon: Okay. Bye.
Mary: Can you at least give me a hug?
Sheldon: I can.

Sheldon: I don't want anything. I'm not hungry.
Meemaw: Well, what's the matter?
Sheldon: My friends were supposed to play Dungeons & Dragons with me, but they cancelled.
Meemaw: Aw. Sorry.
Dale: We can play it with you.
Sheldon: Really?
Meemaw: Dale, that's nice, but... I don't think you'll like it.
Dale: Afraid I might beat you?
Sheldon: Actually, there's no one winner. It's a cooperative game where you use your imagination to explore a fantasy world with the help of the Dungeon Master's pre-planned scenarios and the rolling of polyhedral dice.
Meemaw: Still sound fun?
Dale: Yeah. Sorta.

Adult Sheldon: Children everywhere are excited by summer vacation, and I was no exception. Because instead of vacation Bible school with my sister, I was headed to the local library for a fun-filled week of postal delights otherwise known as stamp camp.
Sheldon: In 1989, they released dinosaur stamps.
Missy: No one cares.
Mary: Come on, now. He's excited. And that gets my stamp of approval.
Sheldon: I'm using that. It's going to kill at stamp camp.

Librarian: Oh, sorry. It was canceled.
Sheldon: What? Why?
Librarian: Not enough interest.
Sheldon: Not enough interest in stamps? It's the fastest-growing hobby in people 70 and over according to Reader's Digest.