Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble with the onomatopoeia.
Tam: The what?
Sheldon: The onomatopoeia. Words that imitate sounds. "Kthoom" "Snikt" "Bamf" Writers shouldn't make up words.
Tam: Somebody made up "onomatopoeia".
Sheldon: You challenge me. I like that.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods?
Mary: No, he just wants to talk to you about it.
Sheldon: Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage?
Mary: Not in those exact words.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: (inspecting a comic book) 40 cents? Outrageous.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Adult Sheldon: As fate would have it, the comic I picked up was called X-Men. Young mutants with incredible powers who were feared and misunderstood by the entire world.
Sheldon: Hey, it's about me.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: You're reading a comic book.
Tam: I am.
Sheldon: You do understand those are for children.
Tam: Have you ever read one?
Sheldon: I outgrew picture books when I was three.
Tam: Just eat your lunch.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: Mom, would you write a note for me?
Mary: Sure.
Missy: You have the coolest excuse. You almost died. Did you see Jesus?
Sheldon: I saw Count Chocula. But feel free to mention my brush with death in the note.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: I'm sorry I'm late. I have a note.
Ms. MacElroy: You poor thing, you had a medical emergency?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am. I choked on a sausage. [laughter]
Boy: How big was it?
Sheldon: About yay big. [laughter]
Adult Sheldon: To this day, I still don't understand why they were laughing.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Adult Sheldon: They say, in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife and putting it back in the jar. [Sheldon coughs up the sausage]
Mary: Okay, it's better now. Sheldon, honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!
Sheldon: You have to throw away that jelly.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Pastor Jeff: Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You said he didn't create the sun until day four.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
Sheldon: So how could there be light the first three days?
Pastor Jeff: God is light.
Sheldon: So God's a photon?
Pastor Jeff: God's what made photons possible.
Sheldon: And what day did he do that?
Pastor Jeff: I would think day one.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Pastor Jeff: Because the first day had just begun.
Sheldon: So, before the Big Bang?
Pastor Jeff: There was no Big Bang. There was only the Word.
Sheldon: Was the word "kaboom"?

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: I need to wash my hands. There are germs here that can kill you.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Oh, you better pull over.
George Jr.: Oh, thank God.
Sheldon: Well, don't just sit there follow it.
George Jr.: Why?
Sheldon: It's an ambulance It's going to the hospital.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Ugh. I'm coming with you.
George Jr.: Why are you wearin' my helmet?
Sheldon: I don't expect this to end well.
George Jr.: And the pillows?
Sheldon: Same answer.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Meemaw?
Meemaw: What?
Sheldon: Is Dad really okay?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: I hope you're not bluffing.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Pastor Jeff: Sometimes people say to me, "Pastor Jeff, how do you know there's a God?" And I say, "It's simple math. God either exists or he doesn't. So let's be cynical. Worst-case scenario, there's a 50-50 chance. And I like those odds.
Sheldon: That's wrong.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Mary: Shelly, put your hand down. [To Pastor Jeff] Sorry. Please continue.
Pastor Jeff: It's okay, Mary. It's Sheldon, right?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor Jeff: Well, Sheldon, why don't you come on up here and tell me how I'm wrong.
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Okay.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Pastor Jeff: So you were saying?
Sheldon: You've confused possibilities with probabilities. According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not. In what universe is that 50-50?

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Tam: So we came to Medford and opened up a convenience store. My parents work 16 hours a day, seven days a week for very little money. [silence]
Sheldon: Well, that was depressing.