[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. MacElroy: I don't think I have anything left to teach Sheldon. I'm pretty sure he's already smarter than me.
Sheldon: It's true.

Ms. MacElroy: That's sweet of you for asking, but I'd rather stick my finger in a pencil sharpener and crank away.

Coach Wilkins: Really? Cooper's out sick? What a baby.
Mr. Givens: Really? Cooper's out sick? Oh, baby!
Ms. Ingram: Hallelujah!
Ms. MacElroy: Happy birthday to me.

Sheldon: I have a problem with this permission slip. You didn't cut them in half evenly. Mine has two holes, and Derek here just has one.
Ms. MacElroy: Then trade.
Sheldon: Then Derek will have two holes, and mine will have one.
Ms. MacElroy: You're not going to the water park anyway!

Ms. MacElroy: Georgie Cooper?
George Jr.: Here.
Ms. MacElroy: Sheldon Cooper? Georgie, where's your brother?
George Jr.: I don't know.
Ms. MacElroy: Good enough for me.

Ms. MacElroy: Mr. Cooper, you're late.
Sheldon: I know I'm late. My training wheels broke.
Derek: Training wheels?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek! I have training wheels like a child! I also have a job like an adult. I'm a very complicated person!
Ms. MacElroy: Sure. Let's go with complicated.

Ms. MacElroy: Tell you what I do. I send him on little errands. Like the other day, I told him, "Go to the supply room and get me a framastan."
Coach Wilkins: What's a framastan?
Ms. MacElroy: No such thing. I made it up. He was gone the whole period.
Ms. Ingram: [laughs] I'm using that.
Ms. MacElroy: Don't use framastan. That's mine.

Ms. MacElroy: Remember, the food drive ends Friday. All canned goods are welcome. But please make sure your cans have labels. Needy people have enough problems without having to guess what's for dinner.

Ms. MacElroy: Yes, that's my signature. Why do you ask?
Sheldon: I'm seeking people who want to make friends.
Ms. MacElroy: I wasn't interested in friends. I took out that book to help me become school principal.
Sheldon: Did it work?
Ms. MacElroy: Are we sitting in the principal's office?
Sheldon: No.
Ms. MacElroy: And you know why? Because Victoria MacElroy is not a man!
Sheldon: So to be clear, you're not interested in making friends?
Ms. MacElroy: What I'm interested in is in living long enough to see women no longer treated like second-class citizens.
Sheldon: Well if your goal is a long life, that chili cheeseburger is a step in the wrong direction.
Ms. MacElroy: Food is all I have. You gonna watch me eat? Get out of here.

Ms. MacElroy: All right, everybody, my name is Ms. MacElroy. In addition to being your homeroom teacher, I'll be seeing some of you in my English class, and some of you on the volleyball court. Just to give you a little history, I've been here at Medford for 29 years I taught some of your older brothers and sisters, and sadly, some of your parents. Not much I haven't seen. Until today. I'm sure you're well aware we have a student with us, who, despite his young age, is remarkably gifted. And I expect y'all to make him feel welcome.

Ms. MacElroy: This is a stupid idea. This boy does not belong in our school.
Principal Petersen: Come on Vicky, it's just the first day. Why don't we all just take a deep breath here?
Ms. MacElroy: The hell with that.