Mr. Givens: Everybody told me, "Hubert, don't date someone from work." But did I listen? No. Let me tell you something. She likes to say I stole her innocence? Well, what about my innocence? I was never the same after we broke up.

Mr. Givens: I had the brains, I had the charm, and I don't like to brag, but I was pretty easy on the eyes back then. That woman got herself one heck of a package. But some people don't want to be satisfied.

Mr. Givens: All right, uh, let's give a warm welcome to my good buddy, Dr. Ronald Hodges.
Dr. Hodges: Hey, kids. Hey. Glad to be here. And, uh, Hubert, the answer to your question is, one of those roomies was busy studying while the other was out chasing high school girls.
Mr. Givens: Yeah. To be clear, they were all over 18.
Dr. Hodges: Eh.

Mr. Givens: All right, everyone, we'll pick it up here tomorrow. If we're lucky, we may find a fossil as old as lunch lady Phyllis. You people don't know what's funny.

Mr. Givens: Remember, tomorrow we'll be dissecting worms! [class groan] Ah, your sadness makes me happy.

Sheldon: Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know that I'm still working hard on my campaign to get more funding for the science department.
Mr. Givens: Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself.

George Sr.: Hey, Hubert. Was Sheldon in class today?
Mr. Givens: Nope. Haven't seen him all week.
George Sr.: Weren't you gonna say anything?
Mr. Givens: I didn't want to jinx it.

Principal Petersen: Hold your horses. If Sheldon walks out that door, our test scores drop hard. That affects funding, which affects your salaries.
Ms. Ingram: Ugh. Well, how can we help?
Principal Petersen: Y'all need to make George and Sheldon so happy here they want to stay.
Ms. MacElroy: Oh, come on.
Mr. Givens: Isn't there anything else we can do?
Principal Petersen: Yeah, Mr. Givens. You could do a better job at teaching the other students so we don't rely on one boy to pull up everyone's grades.
Mr. Givens: Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.

Tam: Sheldon's gonna be late.
Mr. Givens: Well, all right!
Tam: It's a police ma...
Mr. Givens: Don't care.

Mr. Givens: So, you think after seeing you every day at school, I'd want to go home, look out my window and see-see more of you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mr. Givens: Hey, maybe we could ride to school together.
Sheldon: We could play car games.
Mr. Givens: [laughing] Stop, you're killing me.

George Sr.: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I want to know why no one told me about this recruitment letter from Caltech.
George Sr.: Let me see that.
Mr. Givens: All right, let's get me drunk.
Sheldon: Hi, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Aw, come on!

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: He's ready. In the fall, now, just let him go. Please.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Mr. Givens: I'll chip in for gas money. I'll move him into his dorm. What-Whatever you need. Let's make it happen.

Ms. Hutchins: I've got to get back to the library.
Mr. Givens: Oh, but this is so much more fun than books.
Ms. Hutchins: Will I be seeing you tonight?
Mr. Givens: Oh, you'll be seeing all of me. [Georgie grimaces]

Nathan: Hey, you made it. [Star Trek salute]
Sheldon: It would have been illogical not to.
Nathan: [deep voice] Well, you're going to have a blast.
Sheldon: I know this is un-Spock-like, but I can't stop smiling.
Mr. Givens: [climbs aboard] [British accent] There you are, dear sir. Let's get this pusillanimous bucket of nuts and bolts on the road. [applause and cheering] We have a comic-con to get to!
Sheldon: Mr. Givens?
Mr. Givens: Oh, the pain.

Mr. Givens: Well, if Star Trek is so great, how come Lost in Space kicked its butt in the ratings? [all oohing]
Nathan: Well, if Lost in Space is so great, how come no one's ever remade it?
Sheldon: That's true, they're still making Star Trek movies and a new series.
Nathan: Yeah, which is even better than the original. [all oohing]
Sheldon: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Nathan: You heard me, Star Trek: Next Gen is better than Original Series.
Mr. Givens: Lost in Space brought me hours of happiness as a child, you... jerks.