Mary: I was gonna give this to you at the end of the season party, but I was so excited that I wanted you to see it now. Mm.
Missy: What the hell is that?
Mary: I couldn't find any girl baseball trophies, so I made you one.
Missy: Why is her head so big?
Mary: It's a Barbie head. I had to improvise.
Missy: You chopped the head off one of my Barbies?
Mary: Don't be silly. I bought a new one.
Missy: I could've had a new Barbie?

Mary: I am running over to the Sparks's for a little while.
Missy: Why?
Mary: Team meeting with the other baseball moms. You're all right until Dad gets home?
Missy: Oh, yeah. Charles is in charge.
Charles: [on TV] Look at this. I'm talking to an egg.

Missy: Dad. You missed everything.
George Sr.: What happened?
Missy: Georgie lied to Mom to be alone at Jana's house, but Mom knew 'cause she listened in on his phone call.
George Sr.: Oh, boy.
Missy: Now he's grounded and everyone's mad. Not me. I'm super happy.
George Sr.: Well... bye.

Sheldon: Well, I may never get another chance to see him in person.
Missy: Suck it up. You always get everything you want.
Sheldon: That's not true.
Missy: You got a computer. I'm reading a booger book.

Sheldon: Mom and Dad won't take me to California to see Stephen Hawking.
Missy: You thought they would take you to California?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: They wouldn't even buy me this book at the book fair. I had to get it at the library. There's a booger on one of the pages.

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

George Jr.: I liked it better when you wanted to marry ALF.
Missy: I still kind of do.

George Jr.: Friday the Thirteenth Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan might be the best one.
Missy: Muppets also took Manhattan.

Mary: How was practice?
Missy: Great. I hit the ball further than anyone.
Mary: Sounds like a little prayer helped after all.
Missy: I guess it did.
Mary: You seem surprised.
Missy: Well, God knows everything, and I have some pretty evil thoughts.
Mary: Oh, Missy.
Missy: Ooh, what if I start wearing a cross so God knows I mean business?
Mary: You could also clean up your thinking.
Missy: Nah.

George Sr.: You just got to get out of your head. You you're thinking too much.
Missy: I promise thinking too much has never been my problem.

Mary: When I'm feeling down, do you know what I do?
All: Pray.
Mary: It works. In fact, I'm gonna pray for you tonight.
Missy: Everybody prays to God at night. Do it now while he's got some free time.

Missy: "Hi, God. It's Missy Cooper. I know my mom talked to you about me the other day, and she's, like, your biggest fan."
Dale: Hey, what's going on? What, did you fall asleep?
Missy: Sorry, I was praying.
Dale: Oh, my apologies.
Missy: "Anyway, I could really use your help getting a hit. Amen." Okay.
Dale: Are we good?
Missy: I don't know. We'll find out.

Missy: "I know you got your hands full with all that sad stuff, like disease and war and hunger and poverty, so thanks again for helping me get some hits at practice." Amen.
Mary: Don't forget to ask him to keep our family safe and healthy.
Missy: I just hung up. Don't make me call him back.

Missy: "God, it's Missy again. If you can hear me better, it's 'cause I'm wearing a cross now. Please let me get a lot of hits on Saturday. And if their star pitcher breaks his arm or gets run over by a truck, I'd totally be okay with that." Amen.
Mary: Amen.

Missy: If you're unhappy, just ask God for help.
Sheldon: I don't believe in God.
Missy: [shushes] He can hear you. He knows if you've been bad or good. Like Santa, but he can send you to hell.

Sheldon: I'm not going to ask some magical being to solve my problems.
Missy: I asked him to help me with my batting, and he did.
Sheldon: There's a pottery kiln in art class. We can use that. [o.s.] Georgie, I figured it out!
Missy: [to the heavens] Good job, but that does not count as one of my wishes.

Missy: Are you mad at me?
Mary: No.
Missy: You sure? 'Cause that's how you look when Dad had that breakfast beer.

Missy: Well, since they get to do something fun, why can't we? Ooh, Chuck E. Cheese.
Sheldon: That place is a nightmare. Something that could be fun is the Museum of-
Missy: No.
Mary: Let him finish.
Missy: We already heard "museum." It's not gonna get better.
Sheldon: The Museum of the American Railroad.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, that's worse.

Missy: Can we just sign it and play?
Sheldon: I've signed my name. Feel free to draw an "X."
Missy: I know how to write my name, Sheldon. Damn it, I wrote "Sheldon."

Sheldon: Okay. Each player alternates naming a state while Hula-Hooping. The first player who can't name a state or drops the Hula-Hoop loses. Ready, set, go.
Missy: Texas.
Sheldon: Darn it.
Missy: So I won?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Good. 'Cause I was just gonna say "Texas" again.