Mary: Is Georgie here?
George Sr.: No, I think he's still at work.
Mary: Do you know that that Laundromat is just a front for gambling?
Missy: Cool.
Mary: Missy Cooper, that was not for your ears. Go to your room.

Mary: My mother is running a gambling room out of the back of the Laundromat, and she has Georgie helping her.
George Sr.: They never invited me.
Mary: George. We have to get him out of there.
George Sr.: Mary, we told him not to drop out of school, he dropped out of school. Told him he couldn't have girls in the garage, he has girls in the garage.
Mary: He does?
Missy: [o.s.] So many.
Mary: [scoffs] Missy!
Missy: [o.s.] I'm in my room.
Mary: Well, close the door. [Missy's door creaky slowly] All the way. [door closes]

George Sr.: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Mary: My little angel.
[dream sequence:]
Pastor Jeff: Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa Cooper to be your wife?
Pastor Rob: Heck yeah.
Pastor Jeff: And do you, Melissa Cooper, take Pastor Rob to be your husband?
Missy: I totally do.
Pastor Rob: I hereby pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob. You may now take the bride to Six Flags.
Missy and Rob: Yay!

Missy: So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?
Pastor Rob: The way I see it, God is love, so if we love someone else in a committed relationship, we're feeling God.
Missy: So, holding hands is okay?
Pastor Rob: Sure.
Missy: What about kissing?
Pastor Rob: Maybe at some point, when you're older.
Missy: And what exactly is third base?

George Sr.: Everything okay?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: What's wrong?
Missy: Everyone's parents are upset about the sex talk Mom wants to give, and all my friends are all blaming me.
George Sr.: What? This wasn't your fault.
Missy: That didn't stop Marjorie Jones from taking my seat at the lunch table, and I also got uninvited from two birthday parties.
Sheldon: That's silly. All you did was ask questions.
Missy: And it's ruining my life. I'm never talking about sex ever again.
George Sr.: Well, all right.

Adult Sheldon: When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released... causing mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling.
George Sr.: [cheers] I knew it. [Missy rolls her eyes]
Adult Sheldon: During this time of change, members of the opposite sex who caught my sister's fancy included: New Kids on the Block, Rufio from the movie Hook, and, oddly enough, our new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob.
Missy: Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No, just one of his followers. Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.
Missy: Do you have a girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No. No, I don't.
Billy Sparks: I don't have a girlfriend either.
Pastor Rob: All right. You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.

George Sr.: How you doing?
Missy: Fine.
George Sr.: Things okay at school?
Missy: Why? So you can go tell your friends?
George Sr.: [sighs] I just want to know how you're doing.
Missy: Let's see. Billy feels bad. I feel bad for turning him down. Everything's awkward and terrible now. Does that answer your question?

George Sr.: There you go.
Missy: Okay, these posters go on that wall. That poster goes over the bed.
George Sr.: [scoffs] I'm not your moving man.
Missy: You're right, I'm growing up. Guess I can't be Daddy's little girl forever. [pouts]
George Sr.: Which one goes over the bed?
Missy: Um, "New Kids".

Missy: What if Georgie moves into the garage?
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: You'd still be around, so Mom's happy, but you'd be out of the house, so Dad's happy.
George Jr.: That could work. What do you say?
George Sr.: Done.
George Jr.: Done.

Missy: [sighs] What do I have to do to get this over with?
Sheldon: We just need to agree upon who gets which items.
Missy: Fine. As my farewell gift to you, let's do your dumb thing.
Sheldon: See, when you're mean and nice at the same time, it's confusing.
Missy: Too bad, doofus.
Sheldon: Better, thank you.

Missy: Pay to live here? We don't even have a pool.

Missy: You look nice. Oh, no, are we going to church?
Mary: No, your father and I have a date night.
Missy: Why? Don't you have enough kids?
Mary: That is not what date night means.

Missy: Not a problem if I marry a rich guy.
Mary: You should marry someone for love.
Sheldon: You married Dad for love and there's a lot of bickering.
Missy: That's not true.
Mary: Thank you.
Missy: She married him 'cause she was pregnant.
Mary: I can finish these up on my own.
Missy: Good, I have a date with Fresh Prince, who by the way is so rich.

Mary: Anyway, Pastor Jeff is hoping to bring in someone from the outside to help.
Missy: Oh, and you're jealous 'cause you think you can do it better.
Mary: No. I'm sure whoever we get will do a wonderful job.
Missy: She's jealous.
Sheldon: You know it's bad when I can see it.

Missy: And then Pastor Rob said it doesn't matter if I believe in God 'cause God believes in me.
Mary: I said the same thing.
Missy: Not like he did.

George Jr.: Why are you watching The Ten Commandments?
Missy: I've just been thinking about God.
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: I don't understand how a God that's supposed to be good lets such bad things happen.
George Jr.: Oh. Hmm. Can you think about it while I watch Yo! MTV Raps?
Missy: Sure.
George Jr.: Dope.

Pastor Rob: So, what's on your mind, Missy?
Missy: Is it okay that I'm wondering if God is real?
Sheldon: I can take this one. Yes.
Pastor Rob: He is absolutely right.
Missy: He is?
Sheldon: I usually am.
Pastor Rob: Can't just believe something because people say it's true. You have to question it. It's kind of like the, uh, the scientific method, right, Sheldon? Did my homework on you, too.
Missy: But what if I decide he's not real?
Pastor Rob: Look, I'm not asking you to believe what I believe. I'm just asking you to think about what you believe. Sounds like you're already doing that.

Missy: And now I'm gonna need a new notebook, 'cause mine has "Missy and Marcus forever" written all over it. [Sheldon snores]

Missy: Can I talk to you?
George Sr.: Of course. What's up?
Missy: I feel really bad about the other day. I was so mean to you.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
Missy: But you were just trying to help and then I yelled at you and then you had a heart attack.
George Sr.: [stammers] That had nothing to do with you.
Missy: [crying] We don't know that.
George Sr.: Hey. Hey-hey. Come here. [Missy sniffles] [George chuckles and sighs]
Missy: I'm so sorry.
George Sr.: Shh. [Missy sniffles]