Mary: So good news. We're gonna have a houseguest for a couple days.
George Jr.: Oh, not Aunt Ruth.
Sheldon: Her beard is very scratchy.
George Sr.: My sister doesn't have a beard.
Missy: Did she shave it?

Missy: Please, can we keep her?
Mary: No, we cannot keep her.
Missy: We don't have a dog 'cause of Sheldon, why can't I have Veronica?
Mary: I'm not participating in this conversation.
Missy: We could give Sheldon to Veronica's mom. Like a trade.

Missy: Tell you what, Jody. Why don't you go upstairs to your daddy's bedroom, and see how much is in his wallet? Don't worry, it's not stealing if it's for God.

George Sr.: What are y'all up to?
Sheldon: Just helping Mom with some church work.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you two great kids.
Missy: We like to think so.

Missy: You know what I like about you, Sheldon? You're incredibly smart, but you're also really dumb.
Sheldon: Why would you say that?
Missy: You think people are gonna come here to hang out with you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: To hear about science?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: On the radio?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: At 5:00 in the morning?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: And you're asking me why you're dumb?
Sheldon: Well, I happen to have a little more faith in the curiosity of my fellows.
Missy: See, you sound smart, but you're still dumb.

Adult Sheldon: I've always felt the world of subatomic particles would make an excellent video game. Uh, fortunately, thanks to my brain, I've been playing it for years.
Sheldon: You cheeky little muon, you know you don't belong there.
[As Mary turns to missy]
Missy: Don't look at me. He's your kid.

George Sr.: Sheldon, go to your room.
Sheldon: Gladly.
Missy: He's just gonna read in there. I'd take away Professor Proton.
George Sr.: Stay out of this. ... [yelling] No more Professor Proton!
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: That's how you do it.

George Sr.: Uh, you order something from the Mountain View Candy Company?
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. Thanks.
George Sr.: The hell is it?
George Jr.: A big old box of candy. [closes his bedroom door]
Missy: [opens her bedroom door] What's all this about candy?

Missy: "I knew you were going to open this the moment I left. To slow you down I've shrouded my destination in code." What a dork.

Mary: Dot, dot, dot.
George Sr.: Uh, "S."
Meemaw: Got it.
Mary: Dot.
George Sr.: "E."
Meemaw: All right.
Mary: Another dot, dot, dot.
George Sr.: Uh, "S" again.
Meemaw: Okay.
Mary: What do we have so far?
Meemaw: "I am taking a bus. Fun fact about buses"
George Sr.: You got to be kidding me.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Missy: Come on!

Meemaw: I've got it. He's headed to Rusk. He's going to the hospital to see John.
George Sr.: I'll call the police.
Mary: Hurry!
Missy: Is Sheldon going to jail?
Mary: No!
Missy: Damn it.

George Sr.: Son of a-
Missy: Dad, you busy?
George Sr.: Do I look like I'm busy?
Missy: I can't see what you look like. You're under the sink.

George Sr.: You ever thrown a ball before?
Missy: Just rocks at Sheldon.
George Sr.: Did you hit him?
Missy: Every time.

Sheldon: This can't be right.
Missy: What now?
Sheldon: In the letter that Gandalf leaves for Frodo at The Prancing Pony, he says that it's Mid-year's Day, Shire year 1418. However, in Appendix B, it says that Gandalf met Radagast on June 29, which is impossible because- Hey!
Missy: Next time, it's my shoe. And I will put zip on it.

Dr. John Sturgis: [snoring]
Mary: What happened?
George Sr.: Oh, I had a few beers. He had one.
Missy: Seriously? We can't get a dog, and this guy's still here?

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

Mary: I think this show is teaching you bad lessons.
Missy: Don't worry. I'm a slow learner.
Mary: Is that Goober? Where did you get that?
Missy: Georgie got it for me. He's rich now.

Missy: Just pretend to be sick.
Sheldon: But that would be lying. I'm not a liar.
Missy: Well, you better be a swimmer. Or a drowner.

Paige: Let's go to the mall.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't like the mall.
Missy: She says the mannequins don't have enough clothes on, but I think it's 'cause we're poor.
Sheldon: We are poor. I do our taxes.

Missy: Well, since they get to do something fun, why can't we? Ooh, Chuck E. Cheese.
Sheldon: That place is a nightmare. Something that could be fun is the Museum of-
Missy: No.
Mary: Let him finish.
Missy: We already heard "museum." It's not gonna get better.
Sheldon: The Museum of the American Railroad.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, that's worse.