Mary: I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Pastor Jeff: Hey, even though I'm looking fly, I'm still your pastor.
Mary: Well it's more than the wedding. Overnight, I became a wife and a mother. I feel like I missed out on a lot.
Pastor Jeff: Well, sometimes the Lord has his own plans for us. And if it helps, Robin and I always talk about how much we admire you and your family.
Mary: Really?
Pastor Jeff: Your marriage may have gotten off to a rough start, but if that's what it took to get where you are, maybe God knew what he was doing.
Mary: [sighs] You know what? Let's get back to planning your wedding.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, no. You're done. You may be a great wife and mother, but you stink at this.
Mary: That's fair.

George Sr.: Hey, for your information, Mary is very happy.
[cut to:]
Mary: [crying] Robin's gonna look so beautiful in this. Your wedding's gonna be perfect.
Pastor Jeff: Great. Thank you.
Mary: She won't have to go down to city hall wearing the only thing that still fits 'cause she's trying to hide the fact that she's pregnant.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-huh.
Mary: [inhales loudly] She's gonna get the wedding of her dreams. [sobbing]
Pastor Jeff: [to the sales woman] If she cries on the dress, do I have to buy it?

Caroline: Would you like to try it on?
Mary: Oh, no. I'm not here for me. Just helping a friend.
Caroline: Oh, too bad. That dress would be stunning on you.
Mary: Oh, I would look like a princess.

Mary: Oh, you can't skimp on the cake. It's the focal point of the entire wedding.
Pastor Jeff: How about this? We get a bunch of Ding Dongs, stack them in the shape of a heart. Everybody's happy.
Mary: You do not want your wife to look back at her wedding pictures and see a pile of Ding Dongs.
Pastor Jeff: I'm not sure she's gonna care.
Mary: She gonna care! [exhales] But there are more affordable cakes here that we can look at.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you.
Mary: Maybe they have some stale ones in the back that you can disappoint your bride with.

Mary: Well, um, we have a lot to discuss. Reception, flowers, cake...
Pastor Jeff: Like I said, we're just looking for something simple.
Mary: Got it. Nothing fancy. Just elegant.
Pastor Jeff: Right, but a plain, bare-bones elegance.
Mary: How many guests were you thinking?
Pastor Jeff: It doesn't have to be big. I've been married before.
Mary: But Robin hasn't. And you're our pastor. Your congregation is gonna want to share in your special day.
Pastor Jeff: Those bones are sounding less bare.
Mary: Sorry. Your small, elegant, bare-bones, unforgettable, simple, special day. Now, let's talk centerpieces.

Mary: See? He's talking about Robin.
Meemaw: Who is Robin?
Sheldon: Pastor Jeff's girlfriend.
Missy: Mom set them up, and now she thinks she's cool.
Mary: Shh. But I did set them up.
Meemaw: Cool.

Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

George Jr.: If you're gonna do this, let me give you some pointers.
Sheldon: You've done this before?
George Jr.: Tell him.
Missy: Oh, he's the master. He coached me through my last two sore throats.
Sheldon: I slept on the couch during those.
Missy: I know.

George Sr.: Doesn't this all seem a little convenient?
Mary: You think he's faking it?
George Sr.: Today's the swim test. It's pretty suspicious.
Missy: Sheldon just coughed up something gross in a tissue.
Mary: See? And that's why he's staying home.
George Sr.: Mary, come on.
Mary: No, I am not changing my mind. My little boy is not a liar.

Missy: "Dear Sheldon and Missy, thank you for coming to my party. I liked playing with Mr. Spock and watching Missy throw up Kool-Aid in the bushes." Still tasted like cherry. "My mother also threw up, but that was because of wine. My dad says she drinks because"-
Mary: Okay, that's nice.
Missy: But there's more.
Mary: No, there's not.
Sheldon: Guess we'll never know why she drinks.

Mary: I'm gonna take Shelly back home so that Billy can get back to his party.
Brenda Sparks: Eh. You know, they're having fun out there.
Sheldon: Gallus gallus domesticus pooped on my uniform! The mission is compromised!
Brenda Sparks: Maybe take him home.
Mary: Yeah.

Brenda Sparks: Hope you're happy. Billy's missing his own party 'cause he's playing spaceman in the chicken coop with your son.
Mary: You were right. I shouldn't have made you invite him. I'm sorry.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. Well, good.
Mary: It's just hard to see him be left out. And I worry it's not gonna get better when he grows older.
Brenda Sparks: Can't say that Billy is exactly Mr. Popular either.
Mary: I'm sure this kind of stuff bothers me way more than it bothers Sheldon.
Brenda Sparks: Doesn't make it any easier, does it?
Mary: No.

Mary: You can't wear that. No one else is gonna be dressed up.
Sheldon: That's fine. I plan on pretending I'm a neutral observer of an alien culture.
Mary: Or you can go and play with the other kids and wear pants from this planet.

Sheldon: I thought you said I was supposed to have fun.
Mary: Go and change. You are not wearing that.
Sheldon: Then I'm not going.
Mary: You're going.
Sheldon: Then I'm wearing this.
Mary: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Yes, I am.
Mary: Well, if you're gonna wear that, you need to participate.
Sheldon: Participate how?
Mary: Party games, cake and singing "Happy Birthday."
Sheldon: No games, one slice of cake, and I will mouth the words while the others sing.
Mary: One game, and you need to interact with the other children.

Mary: I just think it's important that every once in a while Sheldon does normal kid things.
George Sr.: You realize he's not a normal kid?
Mary: Of course I do.
George Sr.: Then what are you doing?
Mary: I'm trying to make sure he knows how to be social so he doesn't become some lonely adult no one wants to be around.
George Sr.: Damn it.

Pastor Jeff: He said it was to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. And that's what I want to talk about today, being a good neighbor. How do we love our neighbors? We check in on them, we welcome them into our homes. If we're having a party, we invite them. Even if they're not the most popular.
Brenda Sparks: Are you kidding me?
Mary: Shh.

Mary: Well, I'm not trying to be mean here either, but you are behaving very unneighborly.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] That was mean?
Mary: You're darn tootin'.
Brenda Sparks: Tootin'?
Mary: Tootin'!

Mary: Greed has entered into your hearts, especially you two.
George Sr.: It has not.
Mary: Is that a gold whistle?
George Sr.: Huh? No. It's- It's a gift. Now, where's our stuff? We want it back.
Mary: I'm not telling.
George Sr.: Mary, don't make me ask again.
Mary: Or what?

George Jr.: What's for dinner?
Mary: Meatloaf.
George Jr.: Oh. I think I'm gonna go out to eat.
Mary: No, you are not. We're having dinner as a family.
George Jr.: Yeah, but I got money now and I can do what I want. And what I want is a chimichanga at Chi-Chi's.
Missy: I want a chimichanga from Chi-Chi's.
Meemaw: They do have a good margarita.
Mary: [to Georgie] You are eating here. [Missy] So are you. [Meemaw] I don't care what you do.

Mary: Missy, let this be a lesson to you. The love of money is the root of all evil.