Mary: Look, the only girl trophies are for cheerleading, soccer and golf.
George Sr.: So buy Missy a golf trophy and tell her it's a skinny bat.
Mary: George. That poor girl has been watching her brother win awards since he was three years old. I'd like for her first one to be special.
George Sr.: 'Cause you think it may also be her last one?
Mary: I didn't say that.
George Sr.: But you thought it.
Mary: [sighs] Yeah.

Mary: I noticed that there are no baseball trophies with girls on them.
Ralph: Girls don't play baseball.
Mary: Actually, my daughter does.
Ralph: Oh. Good for her.
Mary: And some of the girls might like a trophy with a girl on it.
Ralph: Well, then they'll be very disappointed.
Mary: You know what? I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
Ralph: Oh, no.
Mary: And you should win a trophy for being such a sourpuss!

Mary: Morning. I need to order some baseball trophies.
Ralph: Baseball's over there.
Mary: So many choices.
Ralph: Mm-hmm.
Mary: You should win a trophy for the most trophies.
Ralph: Mm. [clears throat]
Mary: [quietly] Maybe not the trophy for customer service.

Brenda Sparks: All right, let's get to this. We're coming up on the end of the season. Who wants to handle the team cookout?
Meredith: Got it.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you, Meredith. Team picture day?
Carla: That's me.
Brenda Sparks: Carla, you're a gem. Mary, that leaves you in charge of trophies. Any questions?
Mary: Actually...
Brenda Sparks: Snack time! [uncorks wine]
Mary: There's also, uh, veggies.

Mary: I brought veggies and ranch.
Brenda Sparks: That's nice. But when I said "snacks," I mean wine.
Mary: Oh.
Brenda Sparks: Don't worry. I got plenty of emergency snacks.

Mary: I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine. You can just listen. Life is hard enough if you make good decisions, but if you make bad ones, it gets even harder.
George Jr.: Nothin' was gonna happen with Jana.
Mary: Georgie-
George Jr.: No! You always assume the worst with me. I'm sorry you were a perfect kid and I'm just a screwup.
Mary: You are not a screwup. And I was not a perfect kid.
George Jr.: Oh, what'd you do, sleep through church one mornin'?
Mary: For your information I used to skip class so that I could drink beer in my boyfriend's truck.
George Jr.: Dad had a truck back then?
Mary: Not talkin' about your dad.
Mary: I also stole your meemaw's car and crashed it into a ditch.
George Jr.: Really? With that boyfriend who wasn't Dad?
Mary: Missin' the point!

George Jr.: If the point is you made some bad decisions and turned out fine, then why you being so hard on me?
Mary: Because some decisions you cannot walk away from and they will affect the rest of your life.
George Jr.: If you're talkin' about Jana getting pregnant, she ain't gonna.
Mary: That is what I thought, and the next thing I know, I'm at the courthouse gettin' married.
George Jr.: You got married because you were pregnant?
Mary: Yes.
George Jr.: So, I was a mistake?
Mary: No! No! You are a blessin'. The mistake was lyin' to my parents, so that I could spend the night at your dad's house. And, you know, tequila.

George Sr.: Sheldon was right. They're offerin' to pay for the whole trip.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: Sturgis talked to his boss, and they really want to keep Sheldon goin' to school there.
Mary: I guess I could take him.
George Sr.: Why you? He asked me first.
Mary: I'm mad at Georgie right now. It'd be good for us to have some space.
George Sr.: So, you pick a fight with Georgie, and I don't get to go to California?
Mary: Fine, you can go.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Mary: Have fun managing Sheldon's bathroom schedule in different time zones.

Mary: Why doesn't he tell me anything?
George Sr.: When you were a teenager, did you tell your parents stuff?
Mary: Well, no.
George Sr.: Then why do you expect him to?
Mary: 'Cause I'm a cool, fun mom.
George Sr.: [snickers]

Mary: I understand that you want to be appreciated for what you do, but so do I. This is my home and taking care of my family is the choice that I've made, and I am proud to do it.
Sam: Okay.
Mary: It is okay. And I am sorry if me baking cookies says something bad about women, but if you think that Sheldon is difficult to work with now, you should try him with low blood sugar, he is a monster.

Mary: I brought you some coffee.
Sam: You don't have to keep waiting on us.
Mary: I'm sorry, is there a problem?
Sam: I'm just frustrated.
Mary: Is it Sheldon?
Sam: It's Sheldon and Keith and every other guy in our field, which is basically everyone. There were only three other women and one of them just dropped out to get married.
Mary: Oh, good for her. O-Or bad, bad for science, bad for women.
Sam: None of the guys in my class take me seriously, and honestly, it doesn't help when women like you run around doing their laundry and making them snacks.
Mary: I'm just being a good host.
Sam: Yeah, and raising another boy to think that all women are just notetakers and mommies.
Mary: I'm sorry I'm making life so hard for you. And for your information, Sheldon does not look down on women, he looks down on everyone.

George Jr.: Ready to go?
Missy: Yep.
Mary: Go where?
Missy: The mall.
Mary: What happened to asking for permission?
Missy: I asked Dad.
Mary: You know that doesn't count.
Missy: That's what he said.

Mary: What's going on?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis is forcing us to collaborate.
Mary: Oh.
Sam: And we wanted to get it done tonight, but apparently there's a bedtime and shower conflict.
Sheldon: Bubble bath.
Mary: Oh, right, it's bath night.

Mary: "Lord, I really need you right now. I have tried so hard to lead my family to your light, but so far, Sheldon doesn't believe in you, Missy thinks you're a magic trick, and you're not a teenage girl, so Georgie doesn't think about you at all. I never thought I'd take a cross away from my own child, but what choice did I have? She was rubbing it on sporting equipment. I didn't think there was a wrong way to pray, but leave it to that girl to find one. Please give me the strength to keep guiding my family to you. I can't do it on my own. Amen."

Mary: To be honest, I'm a little concerned that I have given you the wrong impression about how prayer works.
Missy: I get it. I ask God for stuff, he gives it to me. It's not rocket science.
Mary: Missy, God does not grant wishes.
Missy: So he gave me good luck?
Mary: [sighs] It's not luck. Luck is chance, and God has a plan.
Missy: Right, and his plan is to give me what I want when I pray. That's why he's so cool.
Mary: No. I- I mean, he is cool, but sometimes that might not be his plan.
Missy: Then what's the point of praying if he's just gonna do what he wants?
Mary: You don't pray to God to get things. You pray to build a relationship with him.

Missy: This is too complicated. I'm just gonna keep rubbing this thing on my bat and kicking butt.
Mary: Okay, that is it. Take it off.
Missy: No, I need it. The game's Saturday.
Mary: There are more important things than baseball. Now, hand it over.
Missy: God, cover your ears. Damn it.
Mary: Missy Cooper! You are not ready for that. You give that back. Oh, you... Get!

Meemaw: Oh, come on. How can I appreciate all this tension if I don't know what it's about?
Missy: Mom took my cross away, and I have a game on Saturday.
George Sr.: Why would you do that? She's out of the slump.
Mary: She was being sacrilegious.
George Sr.: Mary, this is sports. When something's working, you do not mess with it.
Mary: I am not changing my mind. God is not a good-luck charm.
Meemaw: Well, how about all the players that kiss their crosses before they go in the batter's box?
Mary: They can take it up with their mommies.
George Sr.: So she's finally hitting good, and you're gonna let her go to that game all up in her head?
Mary: Her relationship with God is more important than getting some hits in a baseball game.

George Sr.: Mary, give her the cross back.
Mary: When she is ready for it, I will.
Meemaw: I have a bunch of crosses in my jewelry box. You can take any one you want.
Missy: I don't want another cross. I want my lucky cross.
Mary: And that is exactly why she is not ready.

Mary: I have something for you. You said you wanted a cross, and this is the one I used to wear when I was your age.
Missy: It's so pretty.
Mary: I'm glad you like it. It's a nice reminder that wherever you are, God is always with you. And it means a lot to me that you want to wear it.

Dale: Everybody, dig in.
Sheldon: Fun fact: did you know that pizza is only one of many Mediterranean flatbreads?
Dale: You talking to me?
Mary: Shelly, this is Mr. Ballard's first time eating with us. Let's make sure it's not his last.