Mary: Good gravy, she's sad, Sheldon, come on!

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Was there anything unusual about your pregnancy?
Mary: No, not that I remember.
George Sr.: Really? You cried for, like, seven months.
Mary: Those were tears of joy. [WEAK LAUGH]
George Sr.: What about all those times you punched me?
Mary: Punches of joy.

George Sr.: So, Sheldon, Missy, we got some exciting news.
Sheldon: Georgie took a bath?
George Jr.: No. And how come I don't get exciting news?
George Sr.: This isn't about you.
Mary: But after dinner, why don't you go rinse off?

Mary: But Sheldon's already self-conscious about being different from other kids. I worry how this might affect him.
George Sr.: You're being too protective. He's a rock.
Mary: A rock? Are we raising the same child?

George Sr.: Um, I need to tell you something.
Mary: What did you do?
George Sr.: When Sheldon was doing our taxes, he noticed a missing check.
Mary: What did you do?
George Sr.: Before I answer, do you trust me enough to understand it was for a good reason and j-just leave it at that?
Mary: What did you do?

Mary: Will someone please tell me what happened?
George Jr.: Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track.
Mary: You took him to a bar?
Meemaw: He wasn't drinking.
George Jr.: She had a few too many margaritas, so I drove us home.
Mary: But you don't have a license.
George Jr.: That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
George Sr.: I had nothing to do with this part.
Mary: Shut up.
George Sr.: Will do.

Mary: I can't help thinking how odd it is that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover.
George Sr.: Oh, I don't know. He's growing up. It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings a little bit, try something new.
Mary: That's nonsense. Last week, I brought home the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins. He almost lost his mind.

Mary: Hey, have you noticed anything off with Sheldon?
George Sr.: Uh, no, no, no. Can't say that I have. Why?
Mary: He's been awful quiet, and, at the risk of being indelicate, he's gone several days without a bowel movement.
George Sr.: How do you know that?
Mary: Well, I was worried about him, so I took a look in his potty journal.
George Sr.: He's still keeping that thing, huh?
Mary: Oh, yeah, that's why he wanted the Polaroid camera.

Mary: None of that is necessary, it's for charity.
Sheldon: What's the point of charity if there are no tax benefits?
Mary: Eat your peas.
George Sr.: I like how he's thinking.
Mary: You eat your peas, too.

Meemaw: What is happening with you?
Mary: Do you really want to know? So, the other day I was making a casserole to bring over to the Hansons, and I wanted to include a sympathy card. So I started to write, "Your daughter's in a better place." [VOICE BREAKING] And I had to stop. Because how could that possibly be true? How could a better place be anywhere than at home safe with her family? She was just a little kid. That could've been Georgie behind the wheel. How could that possibly be God's plan?

Adult Sheldon: Despite his concerns over her sanity, my dad found a rock worthy of her faith garden.
Mary: Ooh, right over there.
Adult Sheldon: [GRUNTS] Here?
Mary: Mm-hmm. [George drops the rock down] Gently!
George Sr.: [PANTING]: Honey, it's a rock.
Mary: I know, but still.

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Mary: He loves being organised.
George Sr.: Boy, does he. We can't go to the grocery store without him making sure that all the labels are facing the right way.
Mary: Oh, the stock boys there are always so happy to see him.
Linda: [LAUGHING] That's adorable.
George Sr.: Well, it wasn't adorable when we redid our shower and he wouldn't use it 'cause two of the tiles were crooked.
Mary: He took baths in the sink until we got it fixed.

George Sr.: I know you're worried, but he needs to experience the world a little bit. Why not let him do it when most of it's asleep?
Mary: I suppose you're right.
George Sr.: You coming back to bed?
Mary: Are you crazy? That's my little boy out there in the dark.
George Sr.: Mm, but your big boy's right here under the covers.
Mary: Urgh.
George Sr.: There is a nicer way to say that.

Mary: He can't deliver newspapers.
George Sr.: Why not?
Mary: It's too dangerous.
George Sr.: I think you're being a little overprotective.
Mary: You expect him to go riding around at 5:00 a.m. with cars and dogs and who knows what else?

George Jr.: If it's just the two of us, why can't I eat watching TV?
Mary: 'Cause you're having dinner with your mother and it's a chance for us to talk.
George Jr.: Sheldon's having dinner and looking out the window.
Mary: Want me to have him join us?
George Jr.: No!
Mary: Then quit complaining.

George Jr.: So what do you want to talk about?
Mary: Um, I don't know. How's school?
George Jr.: It's school, it's a turd fest.
Mary: Charming. Are you dating anyone?
George Jr.: Nah, nobody up to my standards.
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Can I ask you a question?
Mary: Course, you can ask me anything.
George Jr.: Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?
Mary: Um, why would you ask that?
George Jr.: Sheldon said so.
Mary: How would Sheldon know?
George Jr.: He did the math.
Mary: What math?
George Jr.: He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.
Mary: Um, yeah. That's because you were born premature.
George Jr.: I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.
Mary: Yes, that's true. You were a big fat preemie. Let's talk about something else.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: 'Cause I'd very much like to.

George Sr.: Do I really need to get dressed up to go to Red Lobster?
Mary: You're getting dressed up for your daughter. And that's a new shirt, so be sure to ask for a bib.

Mary: Did you forget you have a daughter who would really benefit from having a good man to look up to? Oh, dear Lord. You did forget.

George Sr.: Mmm. Good ratio of hot dog chunks to spaghetti.
Mary: I've been experimenting. Glad you noticed.