Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to end today's lecture with a hilarious physics joke. Why didn't the photon pack a suitcase? He was traveling light. [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon?
Sheldon: Ha, ha.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Class dismissed.

George Jr.: Hey. Here you go.
Veronica: What's this?
George Jr.: It's your tip from the other night. I wanted to give it to you then, but I also wanted to get out of there alive.
Veronica: Don't worry about it.
George Jr.: You sure?
Veronica: I'm sure.
George Jr.: So how long you been working there?
Veronica: Couple weeks. Trying to save money for college.
George Jr.: Well, now you have to take this. I insist.
Veronica: [laughs] Thank you. How are things with Jana?
George Jr.: Honestly, I have no idea.
Veronica: Should you even be talking to me right now?
George Jr.: Probably not. But I'm glad I am.

Mary: Look, the only girl trophies are for cheerleading, soccer and golf.
George Sr.: So buy Missy a golf trophy and tell her it's a skinny bat.
Mary: George. That poor girl has been watching her brother win awards since he was three years old. I'd like for her first one to be special.
George Sr.: 'Cause you think it may also be her last one?
Mary: I didn't say that.
George Sr.: But you thought it.
Mary: [sighs] Yeah.

Mary: Can you believe this? Boy trophy, boy trophy... boy trophy.
George Sr.: Hmm, all I see is my trophy wife. Nope? Okay.

Sheldon: I was thinking about the mass problem of your neutrinos, and I realized we might be able to solve it if some of the particles have more spin.
Dr. John Sturgis: Interesting. That would certainly get our neutrino mass to zero. Although it does open up a problem with double beta decay.
Sheldon: Hmm. That is true. Unless what it's actually predicting is a magnetic monopole.
Dr. John Sturgis: Might be difficult to control the infinities. Although, if you consider adding faster-than-light particles like tachyons, then I suppose you could...
Sheldon: Quantize time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes! Hang on! If we're gonna be thinking at this level, I should put on pants!

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's Sheldon. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nah, just wondering what became of my career.
Sheldon: Oh. Should I call you back later?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no. I can be downtrodden and chat at the same time. What's up?

Mary: I noticed that there are no baseball trophies with girls on them.
Ralph: Girls don't play baseball.
Mary: Actually, my daughter does.
Ralph: Oh. Good for her.
Mary: And some of the girls might like a trophy with a girl on it.
Ralph: Well, then they'll be very disappointed.
Mary: You know what? I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
Ralph: Oh, no.
Mary: And you should win a trophy for being such a sourpuss!

Mary: Morning. I need to order some baseball trophies.
Ralph: Baseball's over there.
Mary: So many choices.
Ralph: Mm-hmm.
Mary: You should win a trophy for the most trophies.
Ralph: Mm. [clears throat]
Mary: [quietly] Maybe not the trophy for customer service.

Jana: So you're saying you have no feelings for her at all?
George Jr.: I wasn't at the restaurant with her, I was there with you.
Jana: That doesn't answer my question!
George Jr.: I was hoping you wouldn't pick up on that.
Jana: Did you take me there on purpose?
George Jr.: Hold on a second. Is this one of those fights where we end up making out in the back seat?
Jana: No.
George Jr.: That's too bad.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Anyway, I was just calling to let you know I read your paper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful. What did you think?
Sheldon: I thought your typing was very tidy. Your sentence structure was impressive. And your theory was... not without succeeding in avoiding success.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, uh, you don't need to beat around the bush. We're men of science. Uh, just give it to me straight.
Sheldon: The masses for your neutrinos are impossible.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Yes. If they were that heavy, atoms could not beta decay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know how I missed that. I'm such an idiot.
Sheldon: You're not an idiot. You're just a bonehead.

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's Sheldon. I hope you're well.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am. I just had soup.

Sheldon: I guess I need to call and let him know what a bonehead mistake he made.
George Sr.: There's probably a nicer way to say it.
Sheldon: Did you hear how massive his neutrinos were? We're well into bonehead territory.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you don't need to be rude to him.
Sheldon: When am I rude?
[flashback to Sheldon watching a Missy combs the hair of her Cabbage Patch Doll:]
Sheldon: Stay a child as long as you can. Adulthood will not be kind to you.
[flashback to Sheldon looking at Meemaw's leg:]
Sheldon: Neat. The veins on your calf look like a road map of Texas.
[flashback to Sheldon at dinner time:]
Sheldon: Did you make this taste bad so Dad would lose weight?
[present:]
Sheldon: Fine. I'll be polite. But I still think we could go to San Antonio using Meemaw's leg.

Sheldon: I'm glad Dr. Sturgis let me read his paper before he published.
George Sr.: Why is that?
Sheldon: He's getting numbers for the massive neutrinos that are in excess of a hundred giga-electron volts.
George Sr.: Well, good for him.
Sheldon: No, it's embarrassing.
George Sr.: Had a 50-50 shot.

Jana: This is nice.
George Jr.: I like to think of Chi-Chi's as a more romantic Taco Bell.

Brenda Sparks: All right, let's get to this. We're coming up on the end of the season. Who wants to handle the team cookout?
Meredith: Got it.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you, Meredith. Team picture day?
Carla: That's me.
Brenda Sparks: Carla, you're a gem. Mary, that leaves you in charge of trophies. Any questions?
Mary: Actually...
Brenda Sparks: Snack time! [uncorks wine]
Mary: There's also, uh, veggies.

Mary: I brought veggies and ranch.
Brenda Sparks: That's nice. But when I said "snacks," I mean wine.
Mary: Oh.
Brenda Sparks: Don't worry. I got plenty of emergency snacks.

Mary: I am running over to the Sparks's for a little while.
Missy: Why?
Mary: Team meeting with the other baseball moms. You're all right until Dad gets home?
Missy: Oh, yeah. Charles is in charge.
Charles: [on TV] Look at this. I'm talking to an egg.

Sheldon: Ooh. He's opening with a critical examination of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics.
Meemaw: I thought reading in the car made you nauseous.
Sheldon: That's in the back seat. Up here I'm fine. [retches]
Meemaw: Oh, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Meemaw: Well, don't just keep reading!
Sheldon: [retches]

Sheldon: It's too dark back here. Do you have a flashlight?
Meemaw: In the glove box, I think.
Sheldon: Can you pass it back?
Meemaw: No. I'm driving.
Sheldon: All right. I'm coming up. [seat belt clicks] Don't crash while I'm unbuckled.
Meemaw: Really? You need to do this right now?
Sheldon: It's Dr. Sturgis's first paper in years. It's worth risking head trauma. [grunts]
Meemaw: Look at you climbing like a real boy.
Sheldon: Here we go. "A Reconsideration of the Role of Time Operators in Quantum Mechanics." Grabby title.
Meemaw: Mm. I'll wait for the movie.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm exploring the notion that time itself is quantized.
Sheldon: Interesting. That sounds like a step towards a unified field theory.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fingers crossed. Although I can't cross my fingers... arthritis. [laughs]