Jana: I'm the only cheerleader you should be looking at.
George Jr.: Oh. Hi. Oh, I was trying to find you.
Jana: Just wanted to wish you a good game.
George Jr.: Thank you.
Jana: I'm gonna be cheering for you.
George Jr.: Great.
Jana: Unless I catch you looking at someone else. Then you'll regret it.
George Jr.: [chuckles]
Jana: I'm not kidding.

Mary: What I meant was... maybe it's time to take a break from your college classes.
Sheldon: What? Why? I've gotten straight As.
Mary: I know you're smart enough for college. I'm just not sure you're mature enough.
Sheldon: Well, it appears you've backed me into a corner. I would throw a tantrum right now, but that would just prove your point.
Mary: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To play with my trains. Which may sound immature, but it's a hobby many old men enjoy.

Mary: Sheldon, I understand why you're upset, but you still owe him an apology.
Sheldon: Then you don't understand.
Mary: Well, for now, it sounds like you two could use a little quiet time.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll switch over to Dr. Linkletter's class. He's a foot taller than Sturgis and can reach more of the chalkboard.

Sheldon: Did he apologize?
Mary: No. He is very upset with you.
Sheldon: Well, I'm upset with him.
Mary: That doesn't excuse you from trying to get him in trouble by calling Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Who else was I supposed to tattle to? I doubt his mother's still alive.

Sheldon: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: How dare you accuse me of plagiarism? And to my colleague, no less. This is my reputation you're jeopardizing.
Sheldon: Well, give me the credit I deserve and I'll stop.
Dr. John Sturgis: We've been over this. You made a helpful suggestion and then you arrogantly assumed that it entitled you to a coauthor credit, which it doesn't.
Sheldon: But I was the one who...
Dr. John Sturgis: I've been your friend and mentor. The idea that I would steal from you is both personally and professionally insulting.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but...
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I don't want to see you in my class anymore. [line clicks, dial tone]

Missy: Can I keep that one, too?
Mary: You really want it?
Missy: I do.
Adult Sheldon: Despite her many flaws, my sister did have a soft spot in her heart. And a fondness for blowing things up.
Mary: What was that?!

Missy: I just want the same trophy everyone else gets.
Mary: But I want you to feel special.
Missy: And I just want to feel regular.
Mary: Okay. [sighs] Well... I'll make sure you get a regular one at the party.
Missy: Thank you. Mom, wait. I get what you were trying to do. It's nice.

Mary: The point is you deserve to be recognized appropriately for everything you've accomplished.
Missy: You can't give that to me in front of all the boys.
Mary: Why?
Missy: It's embarrassing.
Mary: Well, we have plenty of time. I can make the head smaller or the body bigger or a little bit of both.

Mary: I was gonna give this to you at the end of the season party, but I was so excited that I wanted you to see it now. Mm.
Missy: What the hell is that?
Mary: I couldn't find any girl baseball trophies, so I made you one.
Missy: Why is her head so big?
Mary: It's a Barbie head. I had to improvise.
Missy: You chopped the head off one of my Barbies?
Mary: Don't be silly. I bought a new one.
Missy: I could've had a new Barbie?

Jana: You know what you should do? Cut your hair.
George Jr.: What?
Jana: I think it'd look better. Ooh, maybe a little beard like George Michael. I wonder how tall he is. I bet he's tall.

George Jr.: I bet the guy who invented the spork is a millionaire.
Jana: I guess.
George Jr.: I wonder if his last name is Spork.
Jana: It comes from "spoon" and "fork." Spork.
George Jr.: Oh, my God. Mind is blown.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] Look, I haven't done a forensic examination of this paper, but it's not uncommon to show your work to a colleague to get their feedback.
Sheldon: But I fixed his paper.
Dr. Linkletter: This kind of accusation could have real consequences. I'd consider my next steps very carefully.
Sheldon: You're no help. Put me through to your supervisor.
Dr. Linkletter: Please let me speak to John before you take this any further.
Sheldon: All right, but if he calls me a baby, feel free to say, "Then I guess you needed a baby to fix your paper."
Dr. Linkletter: That's a good one, but I'm not gonna say it.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Dr. Sturgis has stolen my work and is using it in his own paper.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, that's quite the allegation.
Sheldon: It's not an allegation; it's a fact. He was getting enormous masses for his neutrinos, and I showed him how to fix it, but now he's refusing to list me as a coauthor.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I think he has a point.
Sheldon: Is the "he" in that sentence me? Because that is a strange way to phrase it.
Dr. Linkletter: No, the "he" is him. I don't play games with sentence structure.

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Grant Linkletter.
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I need your help reporting an academic crime.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds serious.
Sheldon: It is. That's why I'm using my serious voice.
Dr. Linkletter: Then I'll use mine as well. [deeper] What's going on?

Meemaw: I knew all that God talk was covering something really evil.
Mary: I am trying to make a special trophy for Missy. So I'm gonna take this head and put it on that body.
Meemaw: Whatever you say, Dr. Frankenstein.
Mary: My daughter deserves to have a trophy that looks something like her.
Meemaw: So this is kind of a feminist gesture on your part.
Mary: I prefer to think of it as a maternal gesture.
Meemaw: Let's just split the difference and call it the stuff of nightmares.
Mary: It'll look better when I paint it.
Meemaw: I don't think so.

Mary: Hello. Remember me?
Ralph: Ah, I thought you were gonna take your business elsewhere.
Mary: Well, lucky for you, I believe in second chances. Now, I know that you don't have girl baseball trophies in stock, but could you have one made special?
Ralph: Sure.
Mary: Great.
Ralph: A custom mold is 50 bucks, and it takes six weeks.
Mary: I'm not paying you $50 for a trophy. And I don't have six weeks.
Ralph: Well, does your daughter look like a horse? Maybe she'd like this.

Sheldon: Okay, here's the plan. End your relationship with Coach Ballard, date Dr. Sturgis again, get him to love you more than ever, then when he least expects it, break his heart and say, "That's for Sheldon."
Meemaw: Great plan.
Sheldon: You think so?
Meemaw: For the sake of this car ride, sure.

Sheldon: Why aren't you being more supportive of me?
Meemaw: Sheldon, John is a lot of things, but he's not a thief.
Sheldon: So you're on his side.
Meemaw: I'm not.
Sheldon: So you're on my side.
Meemaw: For the sake of this car ride, sure.

Sheldon: Darn it. When he called me a baby, I should've said, "Then I guess you needed a baby's help to fix your paper."
Meemaw: Very clever.
Sheldon: Turn the car around.
Meemaw: We're halfway home. It's not that clever.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, our conversation about my paper resulted in a very productive couple of days. I completely rewrote the whole thing from scratch.
Sheldon: Exciting. I know credits are usually listed alphabetically, but I'm completely fine with my name going second.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I've worked on this paper for years. I'm not putting your name on it at all.
Sheldon: But I helped you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You did, but you didn't cowrite the paper with me.
Sheldon: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, it is.
Sheldon: Well, this is an outrage. After all the help I've given you, and I don't even get credit?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, of course you are. You're getting a special thanks in the footnotes.
Sheldon: No one reads the footnotes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I do.
Sheldon: Well, I do, too, but that doesn't mean I want to be in them.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, that's where people get recognition for helping.
Sheldon: Oh, you mean the help of using my math to convert your hazy series of meanderings into a well-formed scientific thesis?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you're overstating your contribution.
Sheldon: Well, I think you should be wearing a black ski mask because you're trying to rob me blind.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, if anyone should be wearing an odd piece of apparel, it should be you wearing a baby bonnet, because that's how you're behaving.
Sheldon: [gasps]
Meemaw: Ready to go?
Sheldon: Very! It's a good thing she showed up, because I do not have a comeback.