Kimberly: So act natural. We're just having a chat. I'm gonna ask y'all a few questions about Sheldon's high school graduation.
Missy: I'm graduating, also.
Kimberly: Really? You're graduating from high school, too?
Missy: No, elementary school.
Kimberly: Oh.
Missy: My class is singing "This Land Is Your Land." Want to hear it? [sings] This land is your land...

Adult Sheldon: The next day, the local news showed up to interview me and my family, which may sound impressive, but this is the same local news that covered a potato chip shaped like Texas.

Dale: You go to church, don't you?
Meemaw: Yeah, when I'm not hungover.
Dale: Well, maybe I'll go with you sometime.
Meemaw: Really? You?
Dale: Yeah, I was thinking a little religion might do me some good.
Meemaw: Well, good for you. [chuckles] I was thinking it was a fajita night.
Dale: Your daughter runs a Bible study, doesn't she?
Meemaw: Uh-huh.

Meemaw: I want to tell you how much I appreciate you giving Georgie his job back.
Dale: Well, I didn't do it just for you. It was the right thing to do. I even forgave him for egging the store.
Meemaw: [gasps] He egged your store? That rascal!
Dale: I know you did it, too.
Meemaw: Okay, I did.

Dale: Cheers. How is it?
Meemaw: Good. Yours?
Dale: A little watery.

George Jr.: Do I really got to sit through two graduations?
Mary: Yes. It is a special day for your brother and your sister.
Sheldon: I'm giving the valedictorian speech.
Missy: And I'm singing "This Land Is Your Land" with a bunch of other kids.
Mary: And we are proud of you both equally.
George Sr.: [holding the phone] Guess what. The local news wants to do story on Sheldon being valedictorian [chuckles] Isn't that great? [Mary gestures towards Missy] What?

Mary: Missy, how would you and Sheldon like a graduation party?
Sheldon: Why would Missy have a graduation party?
Missy: 'Cause I'm graduating elementary school.
Sheldon: That counts?
George Sr.: Of course it counts.
Sheldon: Yes, it's a big deal. She's going to a new school. New friends, new teachers.
Missy: Same clothes 'cause we're poor. [phone rings]
George Sr.: We're not poor.
Missy: So I can get new clothes?
George Sr.: We're not rich, either.

Meemaw: [chuckles] Should I not get one, then?
Dale: No, no, you go ahead.
Meemaw: I don't want it to get weird.
Waiter: I can come back.
Dale: No, no. Hey, just bring her a margarita.
Meemaw: No, don't.
Dale: I insist.
Meemaw: I don't want one.
Dale: Yeah, you do.
Meemaw: It's getting weird.
Dale: Maybe come back.

Waiter: Can I get y'all started with some drinks?
Meemaw: Yeah. Uh, margaritas?
Waiter: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Split a pitcher?
Dale: Mm, no, I think I'm okay.
Meemaw: More of a beer night?
Dale: No, not really. I'm gonna take a little break. I'll just stick with water.
Meemaw: Really?
Dale: Well, you know, I don't do my best thinking after I've been drinking. [laughs]

Dale: Oh. Hold on. Hold on. Your chair, milady.
Meemaw: "Milady"? Where did that come from?
Dale: I don't know. My brain.
Meemaw: [laughs]

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it. And thank you for Georgie getting his job back. Amen.
All: Amen.
George Sr.: That was nice of Dale.
George Jr.: I know. He even forgave me for egging his store.
Missy: You went egging without me?
Mary: Georgie Cooper!
George Jr.: Dale already forgave me, and God has to. You can't get mad.
Missy: Ha. Burn.

George Jr.: Thanks again for giving me another shot.
Dale: Oh, my pleasure. And I got something else for you.
[Dale removes an envelope from his drawer and hands it to Georgie. Georgie opens it and finds it stuffed full of cash.]
George Jr.: Wow. Thank you, but why?
Dale: Well, I'm trying to get better at forgiving people.
George Jr.: Well, I'm glad to hear you say that, 'cause I'm the one who egged your store last night.
Dale: That was you?
George Jr.: Well, me and Meemaw.
Dale: Oh. It's okay. I forgive you.
George Jr.: Cool. Thanks again for the money. [exits]
Dale: Mm, forgiving people sucks.

Sheldon: Do you think I can make it from one end of the college campus to the other in under ten minutes, including a bathroom break?
Mary: I don't know. How important is the bathroom break?
Sheldon: Very. The class schedules are designed for fully-grown bladders, and mine is child-sized.
Mary: Then don't put your classes so close together.
Sheldon: Well, it's either this or I move my labs to Tuesday afternoons.
Mary: Is that bad?
Sheldon: Yes. That's when Professor Proton is on.
Mary: Well, we'll tape it, and you can watch it later.
Sheldon: But what if I have a lot of homework and can't get to it until the next day and one of the kids in my class spoils the episode for me?
Mary: Sheldon, has anyone ever spoiled Professor Proton for you?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: Has anyone even talked to you about Professor Proton?
Sheldon: Do you count?
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Then no.

Adult Sheldon: I ended up using the class goggles that day and did not get eyebrow lice. But eight months later, I did contract a mild case of pink eye. Were the two events related? This scientist says yes.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm not driving you home. I got practice in minutes.
Sheldon: Then call Mom and tell her to bring them to me.
George Sr.: She's working, too.
Sheldon: But I need my goggles!
George Sr.: Then use the ones in class. And I don't want to hear about eyebrow lice.
Sheldon: The ones in class are too big for me. What if they fall off and something happens to my eyes? If I go blind, I'll need a Seeing Eye dog, and I'm scared of dogs.
George Sr.: Hey! Is this how you plan on acting when you get to college?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Good, 'cause you're gonna need to handle stuff like this on your own.
Sheldon: I can handle it.
George Sr.: I hope so.

Sheldon: Dad, you need to take me home.
George Sr.: Why? What's the matter?
Sheldon: I don't have my safety goggles. Let's go.
George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm busy.
Sheldon: You're just watching TV.
George Sr.: I'm reviewing game tape.
Sheldon: So you know how it ends. I'll meet you at the car.

Sheldon: Safety pins, safety scissors, no safety goggles.
[cut to Sheldon looking under a student's desk:]
Sheldon: Did you happen to see a pair of safety goggles?
Ms. Ingram: Sheldon, we're in the middle of a test.
Sheldon: Sorry. [whispers] I can't give you the answer, but what you have is not even close.
Ms. Ingram: Out!
[cut to a girl crying in Principal Petersen's office:]
Principal Petersen: These things happen.
Girl: [sobs]
Principal Petersen: My mother had me when she was young.
Sheldon: [enters] Sorry to interrupt. I can't find my safety goggles.
Principal Petersen: Well, they're not here.
Sheldon: I have to find them. Nothing's more important than protection!
Girl: [sobs loudly]

Dale: [sighs] I'm admitting I was wrong, and that's not something I do.
Meemaw: What do you want from me?
Dale: One more chance.
Meemaw: I don't know.
Dale: Oh, come on. I went to three stores to find these purple flowers.
Meemaw: They are pretty.
Dale: They're not as pretty as you.
Meemaw: [laughs] Oh, God.

Dale: [sighs] All right, let me start by saying that I owe you an apology.
Meemaw: You can finish with an apology, too.
Dale: I'm sorry we had a fight. I'm... I'm really sorry I lost my temper, and I'm very sorry that I took it out on Georgie.
Meemaw: That wasn't great.
Dale: But I want you to know that I'm trying to change.
Meemaw: 'Cause that's what people do... they change.
Dale: I mean it. You know, I'm tired of being a cranky old bastard.
Meemaw: It's tiring for everybody else, too.
Dale: Would you please?
Meemaw: Sorry. Go ahead.

Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Thank you for seeing me.
Meemaw: You might not be so happy I did by the time we're done.