Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: My mom was my Christian soldier. And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Missy: I'm having one right now.
Sheldon: Really? What is it?
Missy: When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.
Sheldon: You can't. They haven't descended yet.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I'm not going to be assaulted. High school is a haven for higher learning.
George Sr.: Oh, dear God.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. Nobel Prize winners (in a Southern accent) ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
Sheldon: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: That's my sister. And she's done it before.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: I don't care how dimwitted you are, scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: That was the first time I held my father's hand. I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until seventeen years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: I got fired, Sheldon. And I got a bad reputation.

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George Sr.: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: What'd they do?
George Sr.: I-It's kind of complicated, but football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids from other high schools to play on their teams.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George Sr.: Yeah. You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

Quote from the episode Pilot

George Sr.: You're not gonna make it in this school if you keep ratting people out.
Sheldon: But they were breaking the grooming codes and the dress codes. I saw one boy with a t-shirt that said *leaning in and whispering* "Bite me".
George Sr.: Yeah, that's terrible.
*Sheldon nods*

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: (Observing the older kids outside the High School) Oh dear.