Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Mr. Givens: I have a special treat for y'all today. My dear friend and former college roommate is here from the Johnson Space Center in Houston to talk to us about our space program. And yeah, I know what you're thinking. These guys were roomies. How does one go on to be a-a fancy scientist at NASA, and the other's teaching freshman science at a public high school? Yeah, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I was thinking that.
Mr. Givens: Thank you.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Vincent: Constance!
Meemaw: Patience, Vincenzo. [slot machine pays out] Yes! Oh! All right, now we're talking. Will you take a down payment in quarters?
Vincent: Do I have a choice?
Meemaw: Start scoopin'. I got to go see Tony Orlando.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Vincent: Connie, you're putting me in a very awkward position.
Meemaw: I won a toaster oven playing keno. You want it?
Vincent: I got one. I want my money.
Meemaw: All right. Hang on. That's a very nice jacket. You're looking dapper. Ah. Hey, they comp my room here. They do that for you?
Vincent: Actually, they frown upon my presence here.
Meemaw: Oh. I also get a coupon for the breakfast buffet. You should look into that.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Vincent: How you doin' there, Connie?
Meemaw: Hey, Vincent. What brings you to Louisiana? Wait, don't tell me. You're here to see Tony Orlando.
Vincent: 'Fraid not.
Meemaw: Oh, well, you ought to check him out. He'll, uh, knock your socks off.
Vincent: I like my socks on.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Adult Sheldon: For the record, the Oilers lost that game by four touchdowns. Meemaw never asked for my advice again.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Meemaw: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Meemaw: So Oilers are a four-point favorite for this Sunday's game, but it's a home game, so I'm thinking I give the points. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think I have to tell on you again.
Meemaw: Go ahead. What's your mama gonna do, ground me?
Sheldon: Take the Oilers, give the points.
Meemaw: I love you, Moonpie.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

George Sr.: Hey. Got to go pick up some equipment for the team; you want to join me?
George Jr.: Can't. I'm grounded.
George Sr.: Yeah, well I won't tell if you won't.
George Jr.: Sheldon going?
George Sr.: That little snitch? Absolutely not.
George Jr.: Sheldon still gonna help you with the math?
George Sr.: I don't think so. But I did hear his little Asian friend can do it.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Adult Sheldon: Extricating myself from this situation was not going to be easy. My father was counting on me, Meemaw was counting on me, the school was counting on me. After much thought, I decided to employ the one strategic maneuver I knew I could count on. I tattled.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Sheldon: Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
Tam: But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this. [head
Sheldon: I'll greet you like that.
Tam: It's not the same.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Tam: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I'm not. [slides over his paper]
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: A B-plus that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Adult Sheldon: Somehow, my parents didn't find out about me partying heartily. But I did pay a price for burning the candle at both ends. I made a mistake on a math test. In my exhaustion, I did all the calculations in my head, and, like a common zoo animal, forgot to show my work.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Tam: How's puberty treating you? Because it is knocking me for a loop.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Mary: I think he's feeling left out now that you and Sheldon are spending so much time together.
George Sr.: Are you kiddin' me? You're always saying to find something in common with Sheldon. And now that I have, you're telling me I'm ignoring Georgie?
Mary: I'm not saying that. I'm just reminding you that you got two sons.
George Sr.: I know. I also got a daughter I need to spend more time with.
Mary: You do. But I wouldn't worry about her. She's an angel.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Mary: I feel bad about yelling at Georgie.
George Sr.: He deserved it. You should do it more.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Mary: I hope that doesn't wake up the kids.
George Sr.: Should I go over there and say something?
Mary: I think you should.
George Sr.: I was bluffin'. Don't make me put my socks back on.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Tam: Why are you wearing that?
Missy: It makes me look older.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Tam: Hello.
Sheldon: Tam? What are you doing here?
Tam: Would you like to go to a party with me?
Sheldon: I don't want to go to a party with anyone.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Trying to calculate the odds of the Dolphins covering the spread next Sunday.
Missy: I like dolphins. They talk out of that hole in their head.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Meemaw: Good Lord, that mouth of yours is a machine gun tonight.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Tam: Good evening, Mrs. Cooper. Can I speak to Sheldon?
Mary: No, you can't speak to Sheldon. It's late. He's in bed.
Tam: Oh. I was hoping he might like to go to a party with me.
Mary: Has everyone lost their mind? He's a little boy, Tam! Good night!