Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: Excuse me. Do I look like I'm getting sick to you?
Diane: You look a little pale.
Sheldon: Okay, good, that's normal.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Adult Sheldon: Rules are the pillars of society. I love rules. But what benefit are rules to a dead man?

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Ms. MacElroy: Where do you think you're going?
Sheldon: Away from you.
Ms. MacElroy: Why's that?
Sheldon: I want to live.
Ms. MacElroy: I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Ms. MacElroy: You know the rules. You can't leave without a hall pass.
Sheldon: May I have a hall pass?
Ms. MacElroy: No, you may not. Now get back in your seat.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Adult Sheldon: I've been called a germophobe, but I do find a single sneeze acceptable. It could be caused by dust, allergies. Really, whatever nasal irritant floats your boat. However during flu season a second sneeze means a plague is upon the land, and it's every man for himself.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Ms. MacElroy: A simile directly compares two things, using the words "like" and "as". "I slept like a log." "I'm hungry as a horse."
George Jr.: "Your love is like bad medicine."
Ms. MacElroy: Exactly.
George Jr.: That's Bon Jovi.
Ms. MacElroy: Okay.
George Jr.: His hair is awesome.
Ms. MacElroy: Moving on.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: Button you pull, that's stupid.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: Missy! Turn off the computer. Time to go to bed.
Missy: I got to finish my homework! [playing Wheel of Fortune on the computer] Big money, big money. Yes!

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Computer: Hello, I am Eliza.
George Jr.: [typing] Eliza, are you hot?
Computer: In your fantasies, am I hot?
George Jr.: [typing] Oh yes.
Sheldon: You realize you're not talking to a real person.
George Jr.: Hey, get out of here. I'm about to score.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Sheldon: And this program will allow us to track our family finances, create a budget, and prepare tax documents.
George Sr.: That's impressive.
Sheldon: Would you like to know how much money you spend on beer annually?
George Sr.: No.
Mary: I would.
Sheldon: $936.
Mary: George!
Sheldon: If you switched to Hawaiian Punch, we could live in a bigger house.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Meemaw: Hey, kids, come here. Look at that. It looks like your mom and dad are gonna be all right.
Missy: Does this mean we're going home?
Meemaw: It appears so.
Sheldon: I didn't even get to wear my earmuffs yet.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: You think I should apologize to George?
Meemaw: Well, of course not. That would set a terrible precedent. I think you should go back over there to pick up some clothes for the kids and be all cold and distant, so he has to apologize to you.
Mary: Oh, that's not bad.
Meemaw: Do it.
Mary: I will.
Meemaw: Why you drinking tea? Get out.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Meemaw: Just for your information, Sheldon is using the computer right now to try and fix your marriage.
Mary: Really? What did it say?
Meemaw: It said "Get out of your mother's house."
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: I'm serious. I want a cigarette, and I'm tired of hiding behind the garage.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: These home computers are amazing. I could start a real bookkeeping business with that thing.
Meemaw: And that would go a long way to giving you the financial independence you're looking for.
Mary: Darn tootin'.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Jr.: Wait, I know what to do.
George Sr.: What?
George Jr.: Go across the street and apologize to Mom.
George Sr.: I got nothin' to apologize for.
George Jr.: You don't have to mean it. I never do.
George Sr.: Georgie, just mind your business.
George Jr.: Okay, sorry. In case you were wondering, I didn't mean that. See how easy it is?

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: Okay, water's definitely on. Try it now.
George Jr.: We want delicate or regular?
George Sr.: It doesn't matter, just turn it on.
George Jr.: Let's go with delicate to be safe.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Computer: Hello, I am Eliza.
Sheldon: [typing] My parents are fighting a lot.
Computer: I see. Can you elaborate on that?
Sheldon: My mother bought me this computer but my dad says we can't afford it.
Computer: Do you have issues with your mother?
Sheldon: Mmm, no. She makes me spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it.
Computer: Can you elaborate on that?
Sheldon: Are you going to help me or not?
Computer: Hello, I am Eliza.
Sheldon: The future might be overrated.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Adult Sheldon: The home computer I had long coveted was finally in my possession, but it was also destroying my home. Thankfully, it came pre-loaded with a program to help solve personal problems.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: How did I get a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?
George Jr.: Oh, man. I'd give anything to be a rodeo clown. They make people happy, and they see the rodeo for free.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
George Jr.: Whoa, that's racist.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Jr.: Where's the water come out of?
George Sr.: Well, seeing as that's the dryer, nowhere.
George Jr.: Hmm. So this one's the washer?
George Sr.: No foolin' you.