Latest Quotes

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: What's going on?
Missy: I'm not feeling so good. [COUGHS LOUDLY]
Sheldon: Biohazard! Biohazard! [Sheldon jumps out of bed, runs out of the room]
Missy: Sucker.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Missy: [after drawing on Sheldon's face mask] So pretty.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Dr. Eberland: Sheldon, you have nothing to worry about. Even if you did get the flu, it's usually over in a week.
Sheldon: Why are we getting medical advice from a man who smokes?
Mary: Sheldon.
Dr. Eberland: O-Okay, I have patients who are actually sick. Maybe we should wrap this up.
Sheldon: How come you don't get sick all the time?
Dr. Eberland: Well, I take precautions. I wash my hands, I wear gloves and a mask.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Doctor, Sheldon is afraid to go to school because he might get exposed to some kind of bacteria or virus.
Dr. Eberland: So he's got a phobia?
Sheldon: It's not a phobia if the threat is real. You're a doctor, you should know that.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Sheldon's not sick, but he has become overly concerned with getting a cold or the flu.
Dr. Eberland: Well, any symptoms. Runny nose, achy, sore throat, fever?
Mary: No.
Dr. Eberland: All right, well, Sheldon, if you do catch a cold, or even the flu, it's not the end of the world.
Sheldon: The flu was the end of the world for half a million Americans during the influenza epidemic of 1918.
Dr. Eberland: Really?
Sheldon: In India, 17 million people died.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Thank you for seeing us, Doctor.
Dr. Eberland: No problem. So, what do you got today, Sheldon? Rickets? Rabies? Early-onset menopause?
Sheldon: Is he making a joke?
Mary: I believe so.
Sheldon: Humorous.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: I hate to say it, but I think we need help with this.
George Sr.: Like what?
Mary: Maybe we could take him to that nice doctor who calmed him down when he was convinced he had an enlarged prostate?
George Sr.: Sheldon only calmed down when the doctor told him what happens in a prostate exam.
Mary: Poor thing. Still talks about it.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

George Sr.: I think the real issue we need to deal with is his germ phobia.
Meemaw: Oh, yes, you don't want him turning into Howard Hughes. Growing his nails out. Peeing in a jar.
George Sr.: Why would he pee into a jar?
Meemaw: I don't know why he peed in a jar, I just know he did.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Not so funny now, is it?
Meemaw: No. How long is he suspended for?
George Sr.: A week.
Mary: And it goes on his permanent record.
Meemaw: Well, that's no big deal. I had all kinds of stuff on my permanent high school record. Didn't stop me from being a bartender for eight years.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mr. Givens: All right, losers, you know how this works. One hour, no talking, no horseplay. Sheldon?
Sheldon: Hello, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I didn't want to catch a cold from Ms. MacElroy, so I left her classroom without a hall pass.
Mr. Givens: Well, something is going around. I actually had a little tickle in my throat.
Sheldon: Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you.
Mr. Givens: Whoa, what-what are you doing?
Sheldon: You've heard of fight or flight? This is flight.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: Would you prefer a piece of paper? I have some in my briefcase. It's here if you change your mind.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: Hello. I'm here for detention. Where is the teacher?
Ned: Not here yet.
Sheldon: Oh. I have three dollars. Feel free to share it with the others.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: Have you ever been in detention?
Tam: No. But I do take the school bus. And that is no party. It's like a mental hospital on wheels.
Sheldon: That's a good use of simile.
Tam: Thanks. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

George Jr.: The only thing you need to worry about in detention is staying close to the teacher. If he leaves the room, you go with him.
Sheldon: Why?
George Jr.: 'Cause you're gonna get your "A" word kicked.
Sheldon: Are you saying I'll be in physical danger?
George Jr.: It's all the worst kids in school in one room for an hour. What do you think's gonna happen?
Sheldon: I thought we were gonna spend the time regretting our actions and thinking about how we could be better in the future.
George Jr.: Well, you thought wrong. Get lost.
Sheldon: You're both mean and nice to me. It's confusing.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: I have detention tomorrow, and I thought you could give me some tips.
George Jr.: That was pretty badass, you walking out of class like that.
Sheldon: It was not my intention to be bad "A" word, but thank you.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Sheldon: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Nothing.
Sheldon: Is that chewing tobacco?
George Jr.: It's chocolate Bazooka. What do you want?

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

George Sr.: I actually think it'd be good for him. He needs to learn he's not special.
Mary: But he is special.
George Sr.: You know what I mean. He can't just walk out of a classroom 'cause he feels like it.
Mary: He was worried about catching a cold. That is a legitimate concern. And now he's in danger of being mugged by a roomful of hoodlums.
George Sr.: He's not getting mugged. It's half a dozen kids doing homework while a teacher watches 'em.
Meemaw: Although it might not hurt to give Sheldon a few dollars to buy himself some protection.
George Sr.: That's actually not a bad idea.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: It's not funny.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, now. Sheldon in detention? That's funny.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Adult Sheldon: Enjoy this. It is, by far, the most athletic two minutes of my entire life.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Principal Petersen: Now, I understand Sheldon is an exceptional child, all right, but when he willfully disobeys the order of a teacher, there needs to be some consequences here.
George Sr.: Oh, we couldn't agree more.
Mary: What kind of punishment are you thinking?
Principal Petersen: Well, Mary, in a case like this, a few days of detention.
Mary: Really? That seems a little harsh.
George Sr.: Oh, detention's no big deal. Now, my principal used to whup my ass with a paddle. That got my attention.
Principal Petersen: Oh, yeah. Those were the days. Still have mine. Ah, Ol' Spanky. Whoa.
George Sr.: Got a real nice grip on that thing.
Principal Petersen: Yeah, George. Had the equipment manager over at the Astros make this for me. The holes in it cut down on wind resistance.
George Sr.: Smart.
Principal Petersen: But these days you have to have a consent form to whack the kids. I don't know where this world's headed.
George Sr.: You ought to get one of those for when Georgie acts up. Like you never thought about going upside his head with a slab of wood.
Principal Petersen: You know, there was a time this thing gave me tennis elbow.