Mr. Lundy: All right, Mr. Cooper. The stage is yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to begin with a monologue from King Lear. [looking at Mr. Lundy]
Mr. Lundy: What?
Sheldon: I believe you're supposed to say "break a leg."
Mr. Lundy: Sorry. Break a leg.

George Jr.: What are you looking for?
Sheldon: A brooch.
George Jr.: What's a brooch?
Sheldon: It's a piece of jewelry. In my acting book, there's an exercise where you look for a missing brooch in a convincing way.
George Jr.: Why?
Sheldon: According to the story, it was given to me by a friend so I could afford to stay in drama school, but now it's gone.
George Jr.: Well, good luck finding it.
Sheldon: Thanks. Wait. You really believed I was looking for something? I did it. I'm an actor.
George Jr.: You're a freak.
Sheldon: Oh, where the heck is that brooch?

Sheldon: Why are they all singing?
Meemaw: Because it's a musical.
Sheldon: But why can't they just say it?
Meemaw: Well, that wouldn't be very musical, would it?
Sheldon: And where is the music coming from?
Missy: You're thinking about it too much.
Sheldon: And how do they all know the same dance?
Missy: Come on!
Meemaw: Moon pie!

Mr. Lundy: Anyway, uh, auditions are next week. You're welcome to come on by.
Sheldon: Excellent. I checked out a book on acting so I should have the hang of it by then.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I like that confidence.
Sheldon: Thank you. Most people find it off-putting.
Mr. Lundy: I can see that.

Sheldon: Wow. You're famous.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I And I was Carbucketty in the Dallas-Fort Worth Players production of Cats. [PURRS] [LAUGHS] Did you see that?
Sheldon: No, I'm afraid of cats.
Mr. Lundy: Well, you realize the cats are just the actors.
Sheldon: I still wouldn't risk it.
Mr. Lundy: You're an odd boy, but you make it work.

Mr. Lundy: Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm interested in becoming an actor.
Mr. Lundy: Well, good for you. You've come to the right place. You know, I-I've been a professional actor for years and years.
Sheldon: Really? What have you been in?
Mr. Lundy: Well, have you seen the mattress madness commercials on channel 68? [cut to a cheesy commercial] "I'm soft and firm in all the right places".

Sheldon: I was told you're the head of the drama department.
Mr. Lundy: Mm-hmm, and the girls' volleyball coach, which, between us, is the real drama department.
Sheldon: Was that a joke?
Mr. Lundy: I thought so.

Sheldon: Hello. Are you Mr. Lundy?
Mr. Lundy: My father is Mr. Lundy.
Sheldon: Well, then what should I call you?
Mr. Lundy: I guess Mr. Lundy. My father's dead.

Meemaw: You know, I actually did a little community theater back in my 20s.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Meemaw: I had a good part in Oklahoma. "I'm just a girl who can't say no."
Missy: Say no to what?
Meemaw: Well to-
Mary: Uh, eating her vegetables.
Meemaw: It was fun. But I'm pretty sure doing plays is just an excuse to change in front of each other backstage.
Missy: Really?
Meemaw: Yeah. Theater folk just love to take their clothes off.
Missy: How many people saw you naked?
Meemaw: A lot.
Mary: Mom.
George Sr.: Enough.
Meemaw: Y'all don't understand my sense of humor, either.

George Sr.: Why's he want to study acting?
Mary: The doctor encouraged him to try something different.
Missy: Maybe he'll learn to act normal.
Mary: How about you learn to act nice?
Missy: You people don't appreciate my sense of humor.

Mary: How'd it go?
Sheldon: Great. I feel a lot better.
Meemaw: Well, that's just wonderful.
Mary: So, you're going back to science?
Sheldon: No. In fact, I'm going as far away from science as possible. I plan to pursue the arts.
Mary: What kind of arts?
Sheldon: I've decided to become an actor.
Meemaw: Of course you have.

Dr. Goetsch: For the longest time, I thought I was gonna be a professional figure skater.
Sheldon: And then you became disenchanted with the field like I did?
Dr. Goetsch: Exactly. Someone skated right over my foot. And that was that.
Sheldon: I'm not sure that's the same thing.
Dr. Goetsch: I'd say you lost your passion the way I lost my big toe.
Sheldon: Hmm.

Dr. Goetsch: Now, Sheldon, I understand you've changed your mind about being a scientist.
Sheldon: And you're gonna say I can't?
Dr. Goetsch: No. I think that's great.
Sheldon: You do?
Dr. Goetsch: Yeah. I think it's important to keep your options open. Let me tell you a little story about an extremely smart young boy.
Sheldon: Me?

Dr. Goetsch: Okay. Uh, you two, make yourselves comfortable. Me and my main man Sheldon are gonna go have a little chitchat in my office.
Sheldon: I don't like chitchat, and I'm not your main man.

Dr. Goetsch: Welcome back.
Mary: Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Doctor.
Dr. Goetsch: Oh, not a problem. Sheldon, I remember you. Do you remember me?
Sheldon: I remember everything.

Mary: Maybe he should talk to somebody.
George Sr.: Not it.
Mary: I meant a professional, George.
Meemaw: But way to be a dad.

Mary: I'm really getting worried about Shelly. Acting out, and now quitting science?
Meemaw: Oh, I'm sure he'll get right back to it. I've quit smoking and gambling plenty of times. Hmm. Look in my purse. Nothing but cigarettes and scratchers.

Sheldon: I've been thinking, and there's something I'd like to say.
George Sr.: Unless it's an apology, I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: I'm quitting science.
Missy: Not an apology. Spank him, Dad.

Mary: Let's talk about something else. Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: My brother told the entire school we can't afford cable.
Mary: Oh, right. Missy?
Missy: Good, until I learned we can't afford cable.

Meemaw: I can't believe you sent him to bed without his dinner.
Mary: That's right.
Missy: On spaghetti and hot dog night. That's rough.