Coach Wilkins: Everything all right with Sheldon?
George Sr.: How much time you got? Why?
Coach Wilkins: Hasn't been in P.E. since Monday.
George Sr.: Really?
Coach Wilkins: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: He's here. I drove him. You check the places they like to stuff him?
Coach Wilkins: Lockers, trash cans, those bags we put the footballs in. Nothing.
George Sr.: Top of the flagpole?
Coach Wilkins: Nope.

Mary: It's no joke. He could lose his job.
George Sr.: I guess I just don't get it.
Mary: Maybe because you only go to church when there's a bake sale.
George Sr.: That's not nice.
Mary: It's true.
George Sr.: Doesn't make it nice.

George Sr.: The pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?
Mary: Yes, George. It states very clearly in the Bible: "Among you there must not be even a hint of [hushed] sexual immorality."
George Sr.: That book is a bummer sometimes.

Mary: And Pastor Jeff asked me to hold him accountable so he doesn't succumb to temptation.
George Sr.: Well, how the heck you do that?
Mary: I'm not sure. Probably have to give him the stink eye every so often.

Mary: That seems to be going well.
Pastor Jeff: It's going really well. I like her so much.
Mary: Why do you sound sad about it?
Pastor Jeff: Well, this is hard for me to say out loud. But when I'm around her, I find myself having you know...
Mary: I don't know.
Pastor Jeff: [whispers] Man thoughts.
Mary: Oh. But you're the pastor. You can't act on those.
Pastor Jeff: Hence my sadness.

Adult Sheldon: Since I no longer had a college class with Dr. Sturgis to stoke my intellectual fire, I needed to find someone else who was up to the task of being my mentor. A great mind. A once-in-a-generation thinker. Fortunately, my schedule was wide open.
Sheldon: School's in session.

Ms. MacElroy: Georgie Cooper?
George Jr.: Here.
Ms. MacElroy: Sheldon Cooper? Georgie, where's your brother?
George Jr.: I don't know.
Ms. MacElroy: Good enough for me.

George Jr.: Dad, remember my silly idea?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: Guess what? It's snowing. [Georgie throws the money he's earned up in the air]

Missy: And the turtle eating the pizza is Leonardo.
George Sr.: How can you tell?
Missy: He's wearing blue. And he's the hot one.

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Sheldon: [to Mary] I am behaving no differently than I ever have. Why are you suddenly so worried about me?
Dr. Goetsch: That is a valid question. Has anything changed recently?
Sheldon: Maybe it's hormonal. When does menopause typically begin?
Mary: It is not my hormones.
Sheldon: Well, it certainly isn't mine. I'm showing no signs of puberty.

Sheldon: I don't see the point of this.
Mary: I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.
Sheldon: But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens and nose plug - doing something important.
Mary: You know what? Maybe you should mention the blindfold and mittens to the doctor.
Sheldon: Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you, because I find that concerning.
Mary: He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.
Sheldon: Violent fantasies. Interesting.

Mr. Strover: I already accepted Jesus in my heart.
George Jr.: No. I'm selling these Texas snow globes.
Mr. Strover: I have enough crap in my house.
George Jr.: Crap? You love Texas, right?
Mr. Strover: [sighs] Well, sure.
George Jr.: And who doesn't like snow? Sleds and snowball fights.
Mr. Strover: I remember it snowed hard here once when I was a kid.
George Jr.: That must have been amazing.
Mr. Strover: It was. They cancelled school. Me and my brother built a snow fort in the backyard.
George Jr.: That's cool. My brother and I love doing stuff together. We're really close.
Mr. Strover: I hadn't thought about that day in a long time.
George Jr.: Well, what if that memory was just one shake away?
Mr. Strover: How much?
George Jr.: Five dollars.
Mr. Strover: Fine. I'll take it.
George Jr.: How about you get one for your brother?
Mr. Strover: I don't know. He married some Yankee gal and moved to Connecticut.
George Jr.: But he's still your brother.
Mr. Strover: Aw, what the hell. She's gonna leave him at some point.

Sheldon: My mother believes I'm mentally unstable. And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.
Mary: I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.
Sheldon: You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.
Mary: Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet!

Sheldon: Mother?
Mary: Yes?
Sheldon: Is it okay if I use a knife to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?
Mary: You can butter your own toast.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You see the toast, too. I was afraid I was imagining it.

Mary: I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems you could come to me with them.
Sheldon: You think I have mental problems?
Mary: Well, not problems. I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes-
Sheldon: Subatomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you.

Missy: You didn't sell a single snow globe?
George Sr.: Now, don't give your brother a hard time. He took some initiative, and I admire that.
George Jr.: Thank you.
George Sr.: I mean, the snow globes were silly, but I bet your next idea will be great.
George Jr.: They're not silly.
George Sr.: I'm glad you feel that way, 'cause you got 50 of them.
George Jr.: I'm gonna sell them all just to prove you wrong.
Meemaw: Well, now I know it's a peeing contest between you and your daddy, I'll take two.
George Jr.: Well, all right. Mom, you're not crazy about Dad. Want to buy a snow globe?

Meemaw: Sorry I gave you the boot before.
George Jr.: Does that mean you'll buy one now?
Meemaw: No.

George Jr.: And if you act now, you can have this beautiful, limited edition keepsake in your home for the low, low price of only five dollars.
Meemaw: I hope you know I'm missing People's Court right now.
George Jr.: But with Christmas coming, this would make an excellent stocking stuffer.
Meemaw: Well, you're my grandson, and I love you so it hurts me to do this. [closes door]
George Jr.: Dang it.

George Jr.: See? It's pretty.
Mrs. Krawcynski: Why would I want that?
George Jr.: Well, um b-b-because it's Texas, and everybody in Texas loves Texas? [door closes] Dang it.