George Sr.: So how'd you wind up coaching baseball?
Dale: Well, with the sporting goods store, you know, I've sponsored a couple of teams, and then this year, my grandson wanted to play, so it lets me spend more time with him.
George Sr.: That's nice. Yeah, I coach my son in football.
Dale: Sheldon?
George Sr.: Oh, God, no. Can you imagine?
Dale: You really scared me there for a second.

Dale: Well, I-I was married for 18 years and I got to tell you, those were the two best years of my life.
George Sr.: Ah. What's it like, you know, being single at your age?
Dale: Why, you thinking about it?
George Sr.: No, no, everything's fine. Happily married, just, uh, just curious.
Dale: Yeah. Come on, now. She's not here. Well, to answer your question, it's just great. See, I get to wander around my house in my underwear, and I can make whatever bodily noises I choose whenever I choose.
George Sr.: Ah. I do that now.
Dale: Well, then, you got yourself a keeper.

George Jr.: Veronica.
Veronica: Hey, Georgie. What's up?
George Jr.: We're-we're friends, right?
Veronica: Yeah.
George Jr.: We're just friends?
Veronica: What do you mean?
George Jr.: Well, I've asked you out a bunch and you've made it pretty clear you weren't interested, but before I asked out another girl, I just wanted to make sure that-
Veronica: It's fine.
George Jr.: You sure? Because if it's not-
Veronica: Georgie, I need to focus on my relationship with God right now, but I'm really happy for you.

Lisa: Hi, Georgie.
George Jr.: Hey.
Lisa: I like that jacket.
George Jr.: Then you'll probably like my pants; they're made of the same stuff.

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Missy: Get out, I need to change.
Sheldon: You seem upset.
Missy: I am.
Sheldon: I was right? Good for me.
Missy: Just get out. Wait. You get picked on all the time. How do you deal with it?
Sheldon: Who's picking on you?
Missy: It doesn't matter, just tell me.
Sheldon: I usually start by telling myself how much smarter I am than the person who's picking on me, but that won't work for you.
Missy: Out.

Sheldon: It's just so easy. All you do is type in the Usenet address: "sci dot theory dot physics dot research dot quantum." Press enter, and it comes right up. [modem screeching]
Tam: Careful. In WarGames, Matthew Broderick almost blew up the world.
Sheldon: The only thing I'm gonna be blowing up is this fellow's flimsy argument. That was one of my classic jokes; feel free to laugh. [modem finally stops screeching] See? Like magic.

George Sr.: Morning. Just a reminder, I'm gonna be late tonight. Hanging with my new buddy Dale.
Meemaw: Well, I hope you two have fun together.
George Sr.: Oh, we will. So much to talk about.
Mary: You better respect her privacy.
George Sr.: Oh, I don't plan on doing that at all.
Meemaw: Don't you need to go to work?
George Sr.: Yes, but I don't want to leave until I know you're upset.
Meemaw: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not.
George Sr.: Yeah, you are. Bye.

Meemaw: I tried to call you last night; the phone was busy.
Mary: Oh, yeah, that was Sheldon.
Meemaw: Sheldon has friends he talks on the phone with?
Mary: Well, his computer was talking to another computer.
Meemaw: Oh. And the world makes sense again.

Sheldon: Ooh! Someone responded to a theory I posted on the physics bulletin board. He called my work flawed.
Missy: That's rude. Let him know he can't push you around. That's what I did at baseball practice.
Sheldon: I'd rather not resort to name-calling. It usually gets me stuffed somewhere uncomfortable.
Missy: That's in person, where people know you're pathetic and weak.
Sheldon: That's true. This is completely anonymous. I can say whatever I want without fear of physical retaliation. Thanks.
Adult Sheldon: And on that day, my sister created the first Internet flame war.
Sheldon: Ooh, that is as cruel as it is grammatical. And send.

Dale: Have you tried the meatballs here? They are fantastic.
Meemaw: I haven't. But speaking of meatballs, I hear you're gonna hang out with my son-in-law.
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Oh. You don't like that at all.
Meemaw: No, it's fine with me. I hope you all go out and have a grand old time.
Dale: Oh. Yeah, well, what's the matter? You afraid I'm gonna find out all your secrets?
Meemaw: Calm down. You're enjoying this a little too much.
Dale: Enjoying it? I'm loving it. Look how mad you're getting. Come on, what's he got on you? Did you do some jail time? Were you a go-go dancer?
Meemaw: Hmm.
Dale: Have you got a tattoo in a naughty place? Can I see it?

George Jr.: [answering phone] Hello.
Lisa: Hi, Georgie. It's Lisa, from English class.
George Jr.: Oh, hey. What's up?
Lisa: I was wondering if you could help me with our homework.
George Jr.: Crap, we have homework?
Lisa: You're so funny.
George Jr.: I think so. Most people don't.

George Sr.: Guess who I'm grabbing a beer with. Your new friend, Dale.
Meemaw: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: You were right, she's not happy.

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

George Sr.: What's a modem do?
Sheldon: It allows me to connect my computer to other computers that also have one.
George Sr.: Why would you need to do that?
Sheldon: So I can share my scientific ideas with academics all over the world. It's like the cybernetic version of the Algonquin Round Table.
George Sr.: I don't know what that means.
Sheldon: That's okay, you're still my dad and I'm genetically obligated to love you.

Sheldon: Hey, Clark. Today's the day.
Clark: It's in the back. I'll go get it.
George Sr.: What's he getting?
Sheldon: A direct-connect 300 baud modem.
George Sr.: How much?
Sheldon: Don't worry, I'm using my allowance. Plus, Clark gave me a healthy discount for helping with his application to medical school.

Sheldon: It's nice that you're going to socialize with Meemaw's new boyfriend.
George Sr.: I know. She's gonna hate it.

Dale: George, I figure we kind of got off on the wrong foot the other day.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
Dale: Well, I do worry about it. I-I'd like to take you out for a beer, if that would be okay.
Sheldon: It appears Meemaw told him about you, too.

Dale: Hey, Missy. Why don't you get out there and start warming up?
Missy: Okay.
Dale: And you must be Sheldon. Your grandmother told me all about you.
Sheldon: We're going to RadioShack.
Dale: Yeah, she didn't lie.

George Sr.: You sure you don't want me to stay?
Sheldon: You promised you'd take me to RadioShack.
George Sr.: Sheldon, this is a big day for your sister.
Missy: I'm fine, Dad.
George Sr.: Come on. I really don't want to go to RadioShack.