Mary: Hey, I was thinking after dinner, maybe you and I could go out for a walk.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Pastor Jeff and Brenda have been doing it, might be nice.
George Sr.: So go with them.
Missy: They didn't invite her. She was all upset about it.
George Sr.: [clears throat] Well, you get left out and I get punished?
Mary: A walk with your wife is punishment?
George Sr.: [to Missy] You're up, say somethin' fun.

Adult Sheldon: Being a good entrepreneur, my brother realized his supply of my old tests was limited. So he did something else he was good at: lie to my father.
George Jr.: Dad, you ever use the copy room at school?
George Sr.: Sometimes. Why?
George Jr.: I need to make some copies for a school project I'm working on.
George Sr.: Uh, it's not really for students. You know, they keep it locked.
George Jr.: So, you have a key?
George Sr.: I'm not giving you my key.
George Jr.: Why not?
George Sr.: Well, because I know you, and therefore don't trust you.
George Jr.: I told you, it's for school.
George Sr.: Great, then bring it by my office tomorrow and I'll make copies.
George Jr.: Never mind. [walks off]
George Sr.: It's not on my key chain!
George Jr.: Dang it.
Adult Sheldon: It was however, in my dad's drawer at work, leading my brother to do something he had never done before: get to school early.

George Sr.: What is that on your belt there?
George Jr.: It's my new beeper.
George Sr.: Why in the world would you need a beeper?
George Jr.: So people can get in touch with me.
George Sr.: Trust me, when you're not around, no one's thinking, "I must speak with Georgie this minute."
George Jr.: Hey, lots of people have these.
George Sr.: Yeah, doctors and drug dealers, and you're not smart enough to be either.
George Jr.: [pager beeping, vibrating] Excuse me, I'm being beeped. [dials phone] Hey, I was paged from this number. No, I'm not Bruce. Sorry. [hangs up]
George Sr.: Mm, sounds like you got a real emergency there, Bruce.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: That was Dr. Linkletter. He says that Sheldon is spending too much time with him.
George Sr.: Better him than us, right?
Mary: [sighs] He's suggesting that Sheldon try and find some friends on campus.
George Sr.: Makes sense.
Mary: I'm just worried that he's gonna be hanging out with people who are drinking and going to parties.
George Sr.: Like he's gonna make friends with the cool kids.

George Sr.: What do you mean you quit?
Sheldon: It was beneath me.
George Sr.: You need to learn there's nothing wrong with a little hard work.
Sheldon: Hard work is calculating neutrino properties to one percent accuracy. Anyone can wash bolts.
George Sr.: You begged him for that job.
Sheldon: I assumed he'd realize the value of my intellect and put it to good use.
George Sr.: Hang on. You made a commitment. When you say you're gonna do something, you do it.
Sheldon: Well, he could find someone else.
George Sr.: Doesn't matter. This is about you being a man of your word.
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to point out that I couldn't be a man of my word, since I hadn't hit puberty, but he seemed pretty grouchy.

President Hagemeyer: George Cooper, meet Gary O'Brien, the antistatic furniture king.
Gary: Hello.
George Sr.: Shocking to meet you.
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

George Sr.: I was hoping in college you wouldn't get called to the principal's office anymore.
Sheldon: She's not the principal. She's the president.
George Sr.: So if you're in trouble, you're in big trouble.
Sheldon: That's a fun way to look at it.

President Hagemeyer: Gentlemen, please have a seat.
George Sr.: Sheldon's only been here a few weeks. I hope he's not in trouble already.
President Hagemeyer: What kind of trouble? Did something happen?
Sheldon: Ooh, maybe it's from when I decided...
George Sr.: Uh, uh, all good. Uh, you keep talking.

President Hagemeyer: So... how do we get your son to cooperate?
George Sr.: I've been asking myself that since day one.
President Hagemeyer: Look, I don't mean to put pressure on you, but there's a lot of pressure on me, so I'm going to put it on you.
George Sr.: Look, I'm sorry, isn't there anyone else who can go to dinner with this guy?
President Hagemeyer: So I have a unicorn in my zoo, but I should trot out a goat, is that what you're saying? Would you donate a new library to have dinner with a goat?
George Sr.: What restaurant?
President Hagemeyer: Mr. Cooper, I need you to understand something. This university relies on donations for everything. For upkeep, for salaries, for scholarships, like the one your son is currently on.
George Sr.: I'll talk to him.
President Hagemeyer: Thank you. And when you go to dinner, wear real pants.

George Sr.: Hey. I just got off the phone with President Hagemeyer. This guy we're gonna have dinner with sounds pretty interesting. He made all of his money selling antistatic furniture for laboratories.
Sheldon: He's not even a scientist? He's just a furniture salesman?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to talk about?
George Sr.: Talk about whatever you want. Just... don't be insulting.
Sheldon: What if he says something I think is ridiculous?
George Sr.: Keep it to yourself.
Sheldon: What if you just said something I think is ridiculous? Because...
George Sr.: Okay, maybe we need to work a little on your conversation skills, like not calling people out for saying stupid things.
Sheldon: How am I supposed to practice that?
[cut to Sheldon answering the door to Billy Sparks:]
Billy Sparks: What's up?

George Sr.: Sheldon's not here anymore. Thought it'd be a while before I got called back into the principal's office.
Principal Petersen: [exhales] How's he doing? I miss that kid.
George Sr.: He took a philosophy class and won't get out of bed 'cause he doesn't know what's real anymore.
Principal Petersen: Anyway, uh... We need to talk about Georgie.
George Sr.: Should've seen that coming. What's wrong?
Principal Petersen: Well, he's been cutting classes.
George Sr.: Already? Semester's barely started.
Principal Petersen: He's a go-getter.
George Sr.: Mm. I'll talk to him.
Principal Petersen: Thanks. How's the team looking this year, George?
George Sr.: [grunts] We just had one difficult conversation, Tom. Let's not have another.
Principal Petersen: Smart.

George Jr.: Is this gonna take long? I need to get to class.
George Sr.: From what I hear, you don't care about that. Now, sit. [Georgie sits] What the hell you doin'?
George Jr.: I cut a class. Who cares?
George Sr.: It was more than one, and I care. You start flunking out, you're gonna get kicked off the team.
George Jr.: Fine.
George Sr.: Now you don't care about football?
George Jr.: Not really.
George Sr.: I don't know what's going on with you, but you better get your head out of your ass.
George Jr.: Football's a waste of time. I have a job I could be at.
George Sr.: You made a commitment to the team and you're gonna honor it.
George Jr.: [exhales] We done?
George Sr.: Just get back to class. And I better see you at practice.
George Jr.: Well, I don't know if I can find it with my head up my ass.

George Sr.: And then Georgie accuses me of hating my job. Is this where I thought I'd end up? No. Is this where you thought you'd end up?
Coach Wilkins: I thought I'd be working at my father's funeral home sewing people's eyes shut. My life turned out great.
George Sr.: Well, good for you. [laughs] The worst part is, I think Georgie's right.
Principal Petersen: You're not happy at work?
Coach Wilkins: I can see if my dad's hiring. How are your sewing skills?
George Sr.: It's not work. [sighs] Honestly, I don't know if I'm happy anywhere.
Principal Petersen: Ugh. When I asked y'all to hang for a drink, I didn't know you were gonna be such a bummer. [laughs] Geez Louise.

George Jr.: You don't use it.
George Sr.: 'Cause your mother won't let me. And if I can't, you can't.
George Jr.: If I get it running, can I at least sell it?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: But it's just sitting here. What's the point?
George Sr.: Point is I said no.
George Jr.: I can't believe someone so lame even owned a bike like this.
George Sr.: [to Pastor Jeff] Why are kids such a pain in the ass? [Pastor Jeff is silent] I'm sure yours will be great.

George Sr.: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George Sr.: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George Sr.: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George Sr.: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George Sr.: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George Sr.: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

Pastor Jeff: Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?
George Sr.: Absolutely. Boy, was I wrong. Why? Getting nervous?
Pastor Jeff: Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?
George Sr.: Ah, you'll figure it out. And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.
Pastor Jeff: I guess that's true.
George Sr.: Mm. The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: You don't think I'm gonna...?
George Sr.: Oh, no. They broke the mold. But... you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George Sr.: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George Sr.: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George Sr.: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?

George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: What do you think you're doing?
George Jr.: Trying to get the bike started.
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: So I can ride it.
George Sr.: Like hell you are! [to Pastor Jeff] Sorry.

George Sr.: I didn't know he was bringing his wife.
Mary: And of course it didn't even occur to you to ask me?
George Sr.: Well, no, but isn't that better than thinking about it and then not doing it?
Mary: They both make you a jerk.
George Sr.: [sighs] Since when are you interested in a coaches conference?
Mary: I am interested in a weekend at a nice hotel by a river.
George Sr.: Hotel is pretty nice.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.