Sheldon: Hey, Dad. Can you believe I only started playing today?
George Sr.: I really can.

Principal Petersen: All right, George, what's so damn important?
George Sr.: Well I don't want to get into the why's and wherefore's, but I'm gonna need a raise.
Principal Petersen: Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
George Sr.: You got to be kidding me. Does everybody in this damn town know my business?
Principal Petersen: I just it was taking a guess.
George Sr.: Tom.
Principal Petersen: My wife told me.
George Sr.: Doesn't matter. What do you say?
Principal Petersen: Are you threatening to quit if you don't get it?
George Sr.: No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank.
Principal Petersen: Okay. All right, well, let's not do that. $100 a week do the trick?
George Sr.: Yes. Thanks. Bye.

George Sr.: What's going on? You all right?
Mary: I'm not feeling great.
George Sr.: Is it a pregnant thing? 'Cause I got some good news on that. I got a decent raise.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
George Sr.: What do you mean it doesn't matter? We can pull this off now.
Mary: I lost the baby.
George Sr.: Oh.
Mary: You're probably relieved, huh?
George Sr.: Actually no. I love the first three. Fourth one's a charm, right?

Mary: Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
George Sr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: This bread is different.
George Sr.: Let me see. You know, he might be right. [Mary hits George] Ow.

George Sr.: Who you talking to? That Veronica girl?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: What's going on with that?
George Jr.: Nothing. We're just friends.
George Sr.: Okay. You ever want to run any of this stuff by me, I'm here for you.
George Jr.: Why would I want to run it by you?
George Sr.: Well, I was once a 15-year-old boy. I know what it's like to have strong feelings for a girl.
George Jr.: Gross. I'm not gonna talk to you about this.
George Sr.: I-I saw that kid on Who's the Boss talk to Tony Danza about his problems.
George Jr.: They're not related. This is totally different.
George Sr.: Damn it, Georgie, you could flush once in a while.

George Sr.: No! No more bread. No more country. No more talking.

George Sr.: Who you talking to?
Sheldon: A reporter from Time magazine.
George Sr.: No! He didn't mean it. God bless America.

Principal Petersen: Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
George Sr.: I know it looks bad, but we're handling it. It-It'll all blow over.
Principal Petersen: I'm sorry, George, but I can't have a suspected communist coaching our boys.
George Sr.: Whoa, Tom. I'm not I love my country. This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape over a loaf of bread.
Principal Petersen: Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
George Sr.: Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it. Please.
Principal Petersen: All right, George. But if I hear from one more angry parent-
George Sr.: Thank you. Thank you. [PHONE RINGS] He's not here.

George Sr.: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: They wouldn't let me use the phone in the principal's office.
George Sr.: Who are you calling?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's a math emergency.
George Sr.: Don't you think you should've asked my permission first?
Sheldon: It's ringing. Yes or no?
George Sr.: You know what? I don't care.

Mary: I even did some marriage counseling for a couple of young newlyweds.
George Sr.: Ooh, what kind of trouble they having?
Mary: Oh, it's all confidential; I really can't say.
George Sr.: Well, I don't need specifics, just, you know, general terms.
Mary: They're having sexual problems.
George Sr.: Really? Newlyweds?
Mary: But we all prayed on it and then the answer came clear as a bell.
George Sr.: Yeah?
Mary: The husband is under a lot of stress at work and it's diminishing his natural desires.
George Sr.: Huh. What kind of work does he do he's got so much stress?
Mary: He owns that flower shop across from the post office.
George Sr.: Flower shop. Huh.
Mary: You've seen it. It's called The Pretty Petunia.
George Sr.: Huh.

George Jr.: What's a math emergency?
George Sr.: That's when things don't add up. Oh, come on, guys. That was a good one.

George Sr.: Everything okay?
Mary: I'm getting tired of being the bad guy around here.
George Sr.: You're not the bad guy. Kids need boundaries.
Mary: That is easy for you to say. I am the only one doing it, and then everyone resents me for it.
George Sr.: Hey, you're not the only one. Just today, Georgie and Sheldon were fighting, and I totally took care of it.
Mary: Really? What was going on?
George Sr.: They... You know, boy stuff. Don't worry. I got your back.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
George Sr.: Teamwork, babe.

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world.
George Sr.: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.

George Sr.: Make a choice and close the door.
Sheldon: Okay. There's only one logical way to settle this. Eenie-meenie-
George Sr.: Close the door!

George Sr.: Listen to me. Hey. You're a good-looking kid, and you got a big heart. Once we get you on a daily shower schedule, the girls are gonna be lining up.
George Jr.: I don't want girls. I want Veronica.
George Sr.: Yeah, maybe you'll get her and maybe you won't. But someday, you'll find the woman who was really meant for you.
Mary: You mean like Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: Alaska's beautiful. How 'bout I go with you?
George Jr.: Who's Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: I was 15 years. I was 15 years old!

George Sr.: You're gonna be fine. One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.
Sheldon: Can you please not call it that?
George Sr.: What, "dump"?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: You want me to say "poop"?
Sheldon: I want you to stop talking about it.
George Sr.: B.M.?
Sheldon: Dad!

Mary: Where is he?
George Sr.: He's fine. He's in the bathroom workin' it out.
Mary: Shelly, you okay in there?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Give it a few more minutes. Eyes on the prize!

Dr. Gilbert: Y'all can exhale. Surgery went great.
Mary: Thank you, Jesus.
Dr. Gilbert: Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.
George Sr.: Really appreciate it, Doctor.
Mary: Oh. We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.
Dr. Gilbert: He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. He's our special little boy.

George Sr.: What are you doing in here?
Sheldon: I'm keeping a video diary of my experiment to create homo novus.
George Sr.: Homo what?
Sheldon: Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man."
George Sr.: Oh. I guess that's okay.

George Sr.: You understand any of that?
Mary: I don't know, I guess he's just being a little boy.
George Sr.: Since when?