Pastor Jeff: Except I'm feeling kicked in the nethers right now, and he sure is taking his sweet time with the healing.
George Sr.: He takes his sweet time about a lot of things. Uh, not that I'm complaining. You know, his will, not mine, et cetera.

George Sr.: You know, one thing I can say is that having a happy marriage is it's hard work.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, I know. As the pastor, people come to me with relationship problems all the time.
George Sr.: Bet you hear some juicy ones, huh?
Pastor Jeff: "Juicy" doesn't begin to describe it.
George Sr.: Oh, give me a sample.
Pastor Jeff: I can't. There's strict pastor-flock confidentiality.
George Sr.: Sure. Sure.
Pastor Jeff: Mm.
George Sr.: Mary doesn't tell you things about us, does she?
Pastor Jeff: I'm not at liberty to say.
George Sr.: But she does, doesn't she?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George Sr.: Yeah.

Mary: Really? You're drinking in the morning now?
George Sr.: What? Oh, look at that. Felt later.

George Sr.: Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
Mary: He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
George Sr.: Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
Mary: He's a man of God.
George Sr.: You're adorable.

Mary: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
George Sr.: The one that Georgie likes?
Mary: Yeah. I was thinking about having her stay here for a couple days.
George Sr.: Is it Georgie's birthday or something?
Mary: No!

[As Georgie vacuums his bedroom]
George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Documenting. This may never happen again.

George Sr.: You mind putting down my kid?
Clint Watson: We were just playing around.
Veronica: This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
George Sr.: Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
Clint Watson: I'm here to pick up Veronica. Come on.
George Sr.: You want to go with this man?
Veronica: No, sir.
George Sr.: You heard her. Thanks for stopping by.
Clint Watson: You really want to mess with me?
George Sr.: Sure. Why not?
[THUDDING OUTSIDE]
Mary: What's going on out there?
George Sr.: You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.

George Sr.: And then there was some extra money in the budget, so I was able to order those tackling dummies I had my eye on.
Sheldon: I don't understand why the football program gets so much money, while the equipment in the science lab is outdated and falling apart.
George Sr.: Oh, I can explain that. This is Texas. Pass the ribs.

Mary: George, isn't there a way they can take some of the football money and spend it on science?
George Sr.: Really? I need to explain it again?

Sheldon: Ooh! Maybe I can lodge a formal complaint with the school board about the sports budget infringing on the other departments.
George Sr.: Okay, last time: Canada, the other states, us.

George Sr.: Everything okay?
Sheldon: No. I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly.
George Sr.: Oh. Got a little stage fright?
Sheldon: Unfortunately so. Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave.
George Sr.: Yeah, I been there.
Sheldon: You have?
George Sr.: Sure. When I first started coaching, I was real nervous to talk to the team, you know, give a locker room speech. Then, one day it dawned on me, I'm not just talking to football players, I'm talking to teenage football players. Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying.
Sheldon: That's an interesting perspective.
George Sr.: I'll tell you something else. You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are.
Sheldon: I don't?
George Sr.: No. Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school. Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, but you keep at it, day after day. That's brave. Any kid who can do that could give a speech to the United Nations if he had to.
Sheldon: Thanks, Dad.

Mary: I heard what you said in there. That was very beautiful.
George Sr.: Thanks. I gave a similar speech to my team last week. Boy, did we get our asses kicked.

George Sr.: Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right there.
Coach Wilkins: What's up?
George Sr.: Principal wants to talk to me.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh.
George Sr.: Grow up.

Sheldon: Hello!
George Sr.: Oh.
George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I got called to the principal's office.
George Sr.: So did I. What, you do something wrong?
Sheldon: Not that I'm aware of. Did you?
George Sr.: I hope not.
Sheldon: Maybe it's good news.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you ever been called to the principal's office for good news?
Sheldon: Never.

Principal Petersen: Gentlemen, good news.
George Sr.: I had a feeling.

George Sr.: I understand all that.
Mary: Then why are you pushing so hard for this?
George Sr.: Because these schools are interested now. It's like football recruitment. You got to strike while the iron's hot.
Mary: This is nothing like football.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah? What if he stops being smart and they don't want him anymore?
Mary: How is that gonna happen?
George Sr.: I don't know. Conks his head?

George Sr.: Hey. He okay?
Mary: Yeah, he's fine.
George Sr.: How you doing?
Mary: Much better.
George Sr.: You know, I just been sitting here thinking how I drove an hour both ways to bring the two of them back. Pretty damn decent of me.
Mary: Come here. [Mary and George start kissing]

Mary: I got to go talk to my mom.
George Sr.: Everything okay?
Mary: Yeah, she's just got some problems she's dealing with. Kind of personal. Will you make the kids lunch?
George Sr.: Ah, do I have to?
Mary: George?
George Sr.: Happy to.

George Sr.: What do y'all want for lunch?
Sheldon: Peanut butter and jelly, please.
George Sr.: Great. Missy?
Missy: Tuna salad on rye toast, with sliced pickles and-
George Sr.: Two PBJs, got it.

George Sr.: What the hell is that?
Mary: Sheldon's learning to play the violin.
George Sr.: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.