George Sr.: Hey! You want to throw the ball around?
Missy: [crying] No, go away.
George Sr.: Did something happen at school?
Missy: [crying] I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: Okay. Well... You change your mind, you know I'm here for you. [starts to leave]
Missy: He likes someone else.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Missy: She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.
George Sr.: This guy sounds like an idiot.
Missy: He's not. He's perfect.
George Sr.: All right. Want me to get your mom?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: You want me to beat this guy up?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: What can I do?
[Outside, George and Missy throw a ball around]

George Sr.: Nice.
Missy: How do you make it curve?
George Sr.: Well, that's a little tricky. You you put two fingers on the seam. Right? And then you flick your wrist.
Missy: Okay.
George Sr.: Yeah? Here, try it.

Mary: You were very rude to your grandmother.
Sheldon: Dad's rude to her all the time.
George Sr.: That is not... the point.

George Sr.: The pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?
Mary: Yes, George. It states very clearly in the Bible: "Among you there must not be even a hint of [hushed] sexual immorality."
George Sr.: That book is a bummer sometimes.

Mary: It's no joke. He could lose his job.
George Sr.: I guess I just don't get it.
Mary: Maybe because you only go to church when there's a bake sale.
George Sr.: That's not nice.
Mary: It's true.
George Sr.: Doesn't make it nice.

Coach Wilkins: Everything all right with Sheldon?
George Sr.: How much time you got? Why?
Coach Wilkins: Hasn't been in P.E. since Monday.
George Sr.: Really?
Coach Wilkins: Mm-hmm.
George Sr.: He's here. I drove him. You check the places they like to stuff him?
Coach Wilkins: Lockers, trash cans, those bags we put the footballs in. Nothing.
George Sr.: Top of the flagpole?
Coach Wilkins: Nope.

George Sr.: [yelling] Hope you're happy your mother and I are fighting now! [to a girl who wonders why George is yelling at nobody] There's a closet, it- My son made a citadel. Never mind.

George Sr.: Well, Wayne and I were discussing marriage, and he was going on about how happy he is. I just wanted to try to work on ours.
Mary: That's really sweet, George. So they go on dinner dates like this?
George Sr.: Oh, they do all kinds of stuff. Line dancing and movie night. You wouldn't believe what they got up to in their bathroom.
Mary: Where do they find the time?
George Sr.: Well- Well, they don't have any kids, so... Son of a bitch! They don't have kids. That's why they're happy.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: It's true. You and I used to be way more fun.
Mary: That may be so, but you can't blame the children.
George Sr.: Oh, I can, and I am. Don't get me wrong. They're great. I love them. But you got to admit that they do not make our lives easy.

George Sr.: I'm not interested.
George Jr.: You're gonna regret it.
George Sr.: Show me.
George Jr.: Texas snow globes.
Missy: Ooh.
George Jr.: The card store on Magnolia is going out of business. They're selling these for one dollar each. I sell 'em for five, and the money rolls in.
George Sr.: Does it worry you that the store selling these things is going out of business?

George Sr.: Honey, just 'cause they're both super smart doesn't mean that they're the same person. I mean, Sturgis was in love with your mom, so clearly he was nuts from the get-go.
Mary: You're not helping.
George Sr.: I'm not wrong, either. Love you.

George Jr.: You know if we had cable, we'd have, like, 60 channels?
George Sr.: We have plenty of channels.
George Jr.: We have seven.
George Sr.: Hey! There are starving kids in Africa with no channels.
George Jr.: Come on, it don't cost much.
George Sr.: I'm not paying for television. Television is free. Always was, always will be.

George Jr.: You're so cheap.
George Sr.: If you want cable, pay for it yourself. Or better yet, try turning that thing off and go read a book.
George Jr.: "Read a book"?

Assistant Coach Wilkins: You worried your kid just invited the whole school to your house?
George Sr.: At 5:00 in the morning for a Swedish science thing? [CHUCKLES] Not at all.

George Jr.: A bill? Really?
George Sr.: Room and board, buddy.
George Jr.: $50 a month for food?
George Sr.: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
George Jr.: Laundry services?
George Sr.: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
George Jr.: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George Sr.: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

George Sr.: So, uh, who do you think the Oilers are gonna take in the draft?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, I don't really follow sports.
George Sr.: I'm just gonna eat.

George Jr.: Honestly, I do not understand the female mind.
Mary: Do something.
George Sr.: Georgie, why don't you go eat dinner in front of the TV?
Pastor Jeff: No, it's all right. Sounds like Georgie's having trouble navigating the perilous waters of a relationship. Believe me, I can understand.
George Jr.: You having problems with your hot wife?
George Sr.: Maybe I'll go eat by the TV.

George Sr.: At least he's not crying anymore.

Mary: George.
George Sr.: What? What's wrong?
Mary: The pastor's up making tea.
George Sr.: What, you want me to blow on it?

Mary: Go talk to him.
George Sr.: About what?
Mary: I don't know. Maybe you could give him a male perspective on relationship issues.
George Sr.: How about this? What if I close my eyes and pray on it?

George Sr.: So, tough times, huh?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George Sr.: Yeah. Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything about heartache and such?
Pastor Jeff: Psalm 147, verse three: "The Lord healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
George Sr.: Well, there you go-eth.