- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins
Dr. John Sturgis Quotes
Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron
Sheldon: How come you never mentioned she was coming to this class?
Dr. John Sturgis: I thought it would be a fun surprise.
Sheldon: I don't like surprises.
Dr. John Sturgis: Neither do I.
Sheldon: Then why did you do it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Some people like surprises.
Paige: I love surprises.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you enjoy this one?
Paige: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: A 50% success rate. Not bad.
Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries
Dr. John Sturgis: He's like a young version of me, but without corrective shoes.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. Linkletter: My goodness, you're as funny as you are beautiful.
Meemaw: That's a nice thing to say to your friend's girlfriend.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, I don't think it is so nice. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were sweet-talking my date right in front of me.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a pretty smart man, John. Trust your gut.
Meemaw: Oh, look! Shrimp cocktail. Let's get some.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, hang on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hey. Take your hand off her, or there are gonna be some severe consequences.
Dr. Linkletter: Whoa, John, calm down. What do you see in this guy?
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, that's it! [John shoves Dr. Linkletter]
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy, you shouldn't have done that. [Dr. Linkletter shoves John]
Meemaw: That's enough! Both of you, just cool your jets.
Dr. John Sturgis: This isn't over, Dr. Linkletter!
Dr. Linkletter: Anytime, anyplace, Dr. Sturgis.
Dr. John Sturgis: And your graviton research is mediocre at best!
Meemaw: Keep moving.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you angry with me?
Meemaw: More turned on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh. Great. Let's go.
Quote from the episode A Math Emergency and Perky Palms
Dr. John Sturgis: It's all right, Connie. Sheldon's trying to justify his shortcut.
Sheldon: Not a shortcut, a more elegant and efficient method to achieve the correct answer.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I applaud the effort, young man.
Sheldon: Don't treat me like a child, treat me like a colleague.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine. This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
Sheldon: How could you say that?! [CRYING]
Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Treating him like a colleague.
Meemaw: Do you and your colleagues make each other run out of the room crying like that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sometimes. But we run slower, 'cause we're old.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] What's on your mind?
Sheldon: Do you ever wish that you weren't smart?
Dr. John Sturgis: So I would be short, lonely and stupid? No, that seems worse.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Sheldon: [on the phone] How do I make her understand that being smart is the best?
Dr. John Sturgis: Might I suggest, instead of trying to fix her problem, you just listen? When I was in the psychiatric ward, I learned that people who are struggling emotionally often just need to be heard.
Sheldon: Hmm. Sounds difficult, but I suppose I could try.
Dr. John Sturgis: Another thing I learned in the hospital is that some people believe there are weird mole men living in tunnels deep inside the earth.
Sheldon: Well, this has been mostly helpful.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you're mostly welcome.
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Sheldon: Last question. What is the only fermion that may not have an antiparticle?
Dr. John Sturgis: The neutrino, of course.
Sheldon: I'm gonna rule out concussion.
Dr. John Sturgis: To be fair, it was an easy question.
Sheldon: True.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter. Please meet my girlfriend, Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Nice to meet you, Dr. Tucker.
Meemaw: I'm not a doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I would like to point out, she's quite real.
Dr. Linkletter: I can see that.
Dr. John Sturgis: And our relationship is more than just friends.
Meemaw: That's enough.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, it's flat-out erotic.
Meemaw: Change the subject, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it, girlfriend.
Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Mary. This is John Sturgis, Sheldon's professor and your mother's lover.
Mary: Hi. And "John" was more than enough.
Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries
Dr. John Sturgis: Boy, this brings back some memories.
Sheldon: How come?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, when I was your age, I was also taken to a university to be studied.
Sheldon: Because they thought you were really smart?
Dr. John Sturgis: Because they thought I was clinically insane.
Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon
Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Considering buying this jacket. I found chewing tobacco and Juicy Fruit in the pocket. Does that come with it, or is it extra?
Meemaw: Actually, that's not for sale. Why don't you look for something else.
Dr. John Sturgis: You sure? There's a price tag on it.
Meemaw: Just take it off.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is this some kind of bargaining technique? Because I should warn you.
I've been to the bazaars in Istanbul, where the negotiations are fast, furious and bilingual.
Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon
Meemaw: Just take it off, damn it. [Meemaw storms away]
Dr. John Sturgis: What just happened?
Mary: That's my dad's jacket.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Still don't know what happened.
Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, my, I don't know where to begin. Well, first of all, I'm thankful to you, Connie, for how you make me laugh, make me feel cared for, all the ways you're affectionate to me that I can't discuss in-in front of children because that would be inappropriate, right?
Meemaw: Right.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm thankful to be here with your wonderful family. This is something I didn't experience growing up. See, my father was away a great deal on business and it was just me and my mother and she was a cold and distant woman who blamed the world for her club foot.
Meemaw: Sweetie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I-
Meemaw: Wrap it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry. My gratitude knows no bounds.
Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero
Dr. John Sturgis: Difficult day.
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Psychology? Is that a new interest of yours?
Sheldon: It was either this or milking cows.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. I once was licked by a cow. You made the right choice.
Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts
George Sr.: So, John, how was your first driving lesson?
Dr. John Sturgis: Intense. At one point, I was approaching an intersection. The light was green, but at the last moment, it turned yellow. I didn't know what to do. Should I keep going? Should I stop? There were other cars nearby. Connie was yelling. A glare from the sun was in my eyes.
Sheldon: So, what happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: Somehow, I managed to make it through, turned on my directional, and slowly pulled to the side of the road.
Sheldon: That's how you tell a scary story.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. John Sturgis: There's an upcoming event at the university, and I'd like you to be my plus-one.
Meemaw: Oh. Well, I'd love to go.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful! It's a date. Bye.
Meemaw: Wait, wait. Hang on there, partner. I need a little more information. When is this event?
Dr. John Sturgis: This Friday night.
Meemaw: Oh. What time?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm not sure.
Meemaw: Well, will there be food?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no idea.
Meemaw: What's the dress code?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a clue.
Meemaw: Well, what do you know?
Dr. John Sturgis: You're my plus-one.
Meemaw: Well, you go do a little more research and get back to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it!
Meemaw: Bye.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wait.
Meemaw: What?
Dr. John Sturgis: Love you!
Meemaw: Love you, too.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Meemaw: John is everybody at this party gonna be a scientist like you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not everybody. You'll be there.
Meemaw: That's kind of what I'm gettin' at.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is there a problem?
Meemaw: Well yeah. I didn't go to college. I was a total screwup in high school. I might not fit in at all.
Dr. John Sturgis: Don't be silly. Everyone's gonna love you. And I'm excited to show you off. The general consensus among the faculty is you don't exist.
Meemaw: I don't know how I feel about that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, don't worry it says more about me than it does about you.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. Linkletter: John, where have you been hiding her?
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't. I've talked about her quite a bit, but you all said she was a figment of my imagination.
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Meemaw: John, I don't think you realize the responsibility involved here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, why don't we have a trial run? Have him spend a couple days with me and see how it goes.
Meemaw: A trial run, huh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Like the space program. You don't send people up right away; you start by spinning them around in that thing that makes them throw up.
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Mary: Remember, it's a school night, so his bedtime is 7:30.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mine, too!
- View another character
- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins