Dr. John Sturgis Quotes

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Meemaw: Well, you have to let me cook for you sometime.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I enjoy cooking for you. It's a means of expressing my affection. It also allows me to control the amount of garlic, which gives me the burps.
Meemaw: Well, I do make a mean barbecue, and I promise I can make it garlic-free.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent! Next time, you can express your affection for me.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Dr. John Sturgis: Question will we be engaging in coitus tonight? Because I believe I pulled a hamstring on the bike ride over.
Meemaw: Why didn't you say something?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I was trying to display machismo, but it's becoming more and more clear that there's something askew in my groin.
Meemaw: Oh, John we don't have to do anything. We can just be together.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thanks. But if it's all the same to you, I'd like to give it the old college try.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: You seem quiet. Is everything okay?
Meemaw: Are you not interested in me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Of course I am. I'm very interested.
Meemaw: Then how come when I I invited you to spend the night, I got rejected?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did do that, didn't I?
Meemaw: Good Lord, yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can explain.
Meemaw: Please do.
Dr. John Sturgis: I didn't want you to think that I would think that you were the sort of woman who would engage in coitus simply because I cooked you a Sichuan dinner.
Meemaw: It was better before you explained.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: The trick to a successful Sichuan dinner is the Sichuan pepper.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, you may notice your lips and tongue getting numb.
Meemaw: Then why are we eating it?
Dr. John Sturgis: 'Cause it's yummy.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: So, what were you doing wandering around China?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, when I'm not doing research or teaching, I enjoy taking the path less traveled.
Meemaw: I'm guessing it's a bike path.
Dr. John Sturgis: As a matter of fact, it was. Everybody in China rides bicycles. It's fantastic.
Meemaw: Did you see the Great Wall?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did. Interesting fact: it's filled with the dead bodies of the people who built it.
Meemaw: You don't say.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hundreds of thousands of them.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: Oh, my.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know, I look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: Yeah?
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, this is John Sturgis.
Meemaw: Well, hello, John Sturgis. How are you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I chipped a tooth on a peach pit this morning, but otherwise, I'm okay.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: Next order of business. I would like to have dinner with you tonight, just the two of us.
Meemaw: Oh, well, that sounds nice. What'd you have in mind?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to come to your house and cook you a Sichuan feast.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, a what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sichuan. It's a style of Chinese cooking I learned when I was traveling through China.
Meemaw: Well, wonderful. I would love that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great. Do you have a wok?
Meemaw: I do not.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have a travel wok.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Meemaw: Uh, so, uh, what do you say about 6:00?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's a date.
Meemaw: Terrific.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, and, um, let's not mention this to Sheldon so as to keep him from being underfoot.
Meemaw: Have you been talking to him?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have. See you later.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Sr.: You sure I can't give you a ride home? I can throw your bike in the back of my pickup truck.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, no. I enjoy the night air. Plus, hot dogs and spaghetti is a highly caloric event that demands an aerobic effort on my part.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, do you think we're ever going to unify gravity with the other three fundamental forces?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have a sticky note on my refrigerator which reminds me every day to do just that.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: When did you decide to focus your research on quantum-
Mary: Um, Sheldon, I think you're kind of dominating the conversation. Why don't you let your meemaw talk to Dr. Sturgis?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. By all means.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Connie?
Meemaw: Yes, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you smell like chlorine on purpose?

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry I'm a little late. My pant leg got stuck in the chain.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: This is for you. It's cheese and summer sausages.
Mary: Thank you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Summer sausage means it doesn't need to be refrigerated.
Mary: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Dr. John Sturgis: Now, how do chimichangas work?
Meemaw: I have no idea.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I think we should try and find out.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Meemaw: Do you like guacamole?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know. Being from Maine, we didn't have much Mexican food. Or Mexican people.
Or people.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Meemaw: It's just mashed up avocados. I think you'd like it. And they do it right here at the table.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did they run out of room in the kitchen?
Meemaw: No, it's-it's like, you know, a show.
Dr. John Sturgis: Like Benihana.
Meemaw: Exactly.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't like Benihana.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Dr. John Sturgis: Don't feel bad, I enjoy a little gambling now and then.
Meemaw: Do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sat in your front seat, didn't I? Good, I made you laugh. Full disclosure, I wasn't trying to be funny. Still not trying.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Dr. John Sturgis: I just need to borrow your phone to call a cab.
Meemaw: Why?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't drive.
Meemaw: Well, how did you get here?
Dr. John Sturgis: I rode my bicycle.
Meemaw: You rode your bicycle?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have a Schwinn Speedster. It's got three gears. I only use one.