Brenda Sparks: Oh, hey, um... I was just kidding around.
Mary: I know.
Brenda Sparks: Why don't you come over here?
Mary: Really?
Brenda Sparks: And bring the pack. We'll go in the chicken coop, where God can't see us.

Mary: Hey, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: She didn't want you to walk her in?
Mary: No. How about Billy?
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I walked him in. Found his homeroom. Explained that "homeroom" is different than his room at home. Still not sure he gets it.
Mary: Tough day.
Brenda Sparks: Yeah.
Mary: You want to get some coffee?
Brenda Sparks: I was thinking vodka, but coffee will do.

Sheldon: Collecting! Collecting!
Brenda Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Mrs. Sparks. I'm here to collect for this week's paper delivery.
Brenda Sparks: Right. Hang on.
Sheldon: Also, I'm given to understand that tipping is customary, so feel free to express your appreciation.
Brenda Sparks: Here you go.
Sheldon: You tipped me a dime?
Brenda Sparks: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: No, it just doesn't seem like very much.
Brenda Sparks: You were late every day.
Sheldon: Well, I had to brave the elements.
Brenda Sparks: I saw you. "Brave" isn't the word that I would use. [cackles]

Mary: Shelly and this college stuff is killing me. I... I never went to college. How can I prepare him?
Brenda Sparks: Mary, if that kid is smart enough to have colleges wanting him already, he's got to be smart enough to figure it out.
Mary: Maybe. It still hurts to hear him say he wants to leave.
Brenda Sparks: I bet. On the other hand, I'm worried my Billy will never be ready to leave.
Mary: Oh, of course he will.
Brenda Sparks: Damn. Smoking, drinking, lying. You're covering all the sins today.

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.