Billy Sparks Quotes

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Brenda Sparks: Oh, so you're spying on us. Good to know.

Quote from the episode Poker, Faith, and Eggs

Billy Sparks: Uh, hello, Mr. Cooper. Is Missy home?
George Sr.: Hello, Billy. No, she's at church.
Billy Sparks: I brought her eggs from my chickens.
George Sr.: I see that.
Billy Sparks: You can boil them or scramble them.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I like fried.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I don't like poached.
George Sr.: Okay. Thank you for your time. [hands over the eggs]
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Missy: I think she's asleep.
Billy Sparks: What if she's dead?
Peg: [snores]
Missy: [whispers] She's not dead.
Billy Sparks: She looks dead.
Peg: I'm not dead.

Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel

Billy Sparks: Missy, will you rub your cross on my bat?
Missy: No.
Mary: Have you been doing that?
Missy: On mine. It's working great.
Billy Sparks: Please? I'll give you a dollar.
Missy: Fine.
Mary: What do you think you're doing?
Missy: Sharing God's love and making some cash. Absolutely not.
Billy Sparks: How about I give you the dollar?
Mary: God's love has nothing to do with money.
Missy: What about the collection plate at church?
Mary: That is different.
Billy Sparks: That's where I found this dollar.
Mary: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Bye.

Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles

[Sheldon shows Billy the sketch he drew of him:]
Billy Sparks: I'm beautiful.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Missy: Isn't he pretty?
Bobbi Sparks: Very pretty.
Billy Sparks: I feel pretty.

Quote from the episode A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities

George Sr.: Do you know anything about poker?
Billy Sparks: No.
Principal Petersen: That's all right, neither does this guy. [laughter]
Mr. Givens: Good one, boss.
Billy Sparks: This is fun.
Coach Wilkins: Good. Glad you're here.
Billy Sparks: My dad never let me play cards with him. And then he left.
Mr. Givens: Sorry, are we still playing? 'Cause I've got a really good hand.

Quote from the episode Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism

Billy Sparks: What do you know about me?
Pastor Rob: Hmm. Billy Sparks. Sixth grade. Also plays baseball, but maybe not as good as her.
Billy Sparks: Whoa.

Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

Billy Sparks: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy. I hear you're not feeling well.
Billy Sparks: I'm not. I have a cold.
Sheldon: That's too bad. Put her there.
Billy Sparks: Why?
Sheldon: Just shake my hand, Billy.
Billy Sparks: But my mom says that's how germs get spread.
Sheldon: I know.
Billy Sparks: You do? When did you talk to my mom?
Sheldon: Just, eh- [Sheldon grabs Billy's hand and rubs it over his face] Ugh!
Billy Sparks: Wait, want to play? Aw.

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

Melissa: Well, isn't that something. Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
Billy Sparks: I'm Super-[door shuts]

Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken

George Sr.: I'm gonna take him to the emergency room. Come on. You gonna be okay?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Have fun!

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Billy Sparks: My mom also hates their grandma.
Missy: 'Cause she lost a fight to her.
Billy Sparks: Nuh-uh, she won. She said so.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Pastor Jeff: Now before we get started this morning, I want to introduce two new students, Sheldon and Missy Cooper. Let's give them a warm welcome. (APPLAUSE) Yes, Billy?
Billy Sparks: I know them.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you, Billy.
Billy Sparks: You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.

Quote from the episode A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff

Dale: Hey, uh, Cooper, you know, I think I'm gonna have you sit this one out and let Powell pitch.
Missy: Really?
Dale: Yeah. Kind of like to save your arm for the playoffs, okay?
Missy: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Do you want to save my arm, too?
Dale: No.
Billy Sparks: How about my legs?
Dale: You know, Billy, you never fail to brighten my day.
Billy Sparks: Cool.

Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony

Missy: Your dad can't eat Matilda.
Billy Sparks: Sure, he can. He eats everything.
Missy: Billy, you've raised her from a chick. She's like your child. You wouldn't let somebody eat your child.
Billy Sparks: Does my child taste like chicken?
Missy: Billy!
Billy Sparks: Missy!

Quote from the episode Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Billy Sparks: This licorice tastes terrible.
Missy: It's plastic. You use it to weave a lanyard.
Billy Sparks: No, it's licorice.

Quote from the episode The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian

Billy Sparks: What now?
George Sr.: Uh, run outside and turn the water back on.
Billy Sparks: [hands over screwdriver] Here, I'm not allowed to run with this.
Brenda Sparks: We've had a lot of incidents.

Quote from the episode The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian

George Sr.: All right, almost there. Hand me a screwdriver.
Billy Sparks: Don't stick this in an outlet. It really tingles.
Brenda Sparks: We had an incident.

Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit

Billy Sparks: Hi, Mr. Cooper!
George Sr.: Billy. What are you doing? [turns engine off]
Billy Sparks: I'm mowing the lawn. What are you doing?
George Sr.: Did Georgie put you up to this?
Billy Sparks: Yeah. He's paying me.
George Sr.: That dummy.
Billy Sparks: I'm raising the money to buy a Jet Ski.

Quote from the episode Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism

Sheldon: She did it because Pharaoh ordered all the male babies to be killed.
Missy: That's really in the Bible?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: And Mom won't let me read Judy Blume.
Billy Sparks: Sheila the Great changed my life.