Billy Sparks Quotes

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Missy: I think she's asleep.
Billy Sparks: What if she's dead?
Peg: [snores]
Missy: [whispers] She's not dead.
Billy Sparks: She looks dead.
Peg: I'm not dead.

Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit

Billy Sparks: I've seen this before. They're big now, but they're gonna get small.
Missy: Yeah. It's called Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Billy Sparks: [whispers] If you get scared, I'm here.
Missy: Terrific.

Quote from the episode The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian

George Sr.: All right, almost there. Hand me a screwdriver.
Billy Sparks: Don't stick this in an outlet. It really tingles.
Brenda Sparks: We had an incident.

Quote from the episode The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian

Billy Sparks: What now?
George Sr.: Uh, run outside and turn the water back on.
Billy Sparks: [hands over screwdriver] Here, I'm not allowed to run with this.
Brenda Sparks: We've had a lot of incidents.

Quote from the episode Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy

Billy Sparks: I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
George Sr.: Really?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George Sr.: Okay. Uh... [TV turns off] Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
Billy Sparks: I wanted to do this the right way.
George Sr.: Uh-huh. You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step. I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
Billy Sparks: She went out with Marcus from school. They went to the movies.
George Sr.: Yeah, that is... meaningful.
Billy Sparks: But they broke up, so now's my chance.

Quote from the episode Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism

Sheldon: She did it because Pharaoh ordered all the male babies to be killed.
Missy: That's really in the Bible?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: And Mom won't let me read Judy Blume.
Billy Sparks: Sheila the Great changed my life.

Quote from the episode Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism

Billy Sparks: What do you know about me?
Pastor Rob: Hmm. Billy Sparks. Sixth grade. Also plays baseball, but maybe not as good as her.
Billy Sparks: Whoa.

Quote from the episode A Virus, Heartbreak and a World of Possibilities

George Sr.: Do you know anything about poker?
Billy Sparks: No.
Principal Petersen: That's all right, neither does this guy. [laughter]
Mr. Givens: Good one, boss.
Billy Sparks: This is fun.
Coach Wilkins: Good. Glad you're here.
Billy Sparks: My dad never let me play cards with him. And then he left.
Mr. Givens: Sorry, are we still playing? 'Cause I've got a really good hand.

Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

Sheldon: I've been working on a theory about the wave-particle duality of light.
Billy Sparks: I have a nightlight that looks like Spider-Man, but I don't turn it on. [Sheldon looks at George]
George Sr.: Go ahead.
Sheldon: Why don't you turn it on?
Billy Sparks: I'm afraid of spiders.
George Sr.: Yeah, seems like a good place to stop.
Billy Sparks: Now what happens?
Sheldon: You go home.
Billy Sparks: Thank you for your hospitality.

Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

George Sr.: Okay, Sheldon, try having a conversation with Billy about science. Let's see. Uh, what do you know about quantum mechanics?
Billy Sparks: My dad's a mechanic. At his shop, he has a calendar with a bikini lady on it.
Sheldon: Dad...
George Sr.: Instead of losing patience, act interested and ask a follow-up question.
Sheldon: Your father's a mechanic. Interesting. You know what else is interesting? Quantum mechanics. That describes the basic particles and forces that make up reality. Let's talk about that.
Billy Sparks: I'm gonna marry that bikini lady.

Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles

[Sheldon shows Billy the sketch he drew of him:]
Billy Sparks: I'm beautiful.

Quote from the episode A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You

Pastor Jeff: Dear Heavenly Father, as we return to school, we look to your eternal...
Billy Sparks: [stands] I pledge allegiance to the...
Pastor Jeff: Billy, it's not the pledge.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

Sheldon: I'm excited to finally use college-ruled paper and not feel like I'm living a lie.
Billy Sparks: What's college-ruled paper?
Sheldon: The lines are 18% closer together.
Billy Sparks: College sounds hard.
Brenda Sparks: You won't have to worry about that, honey.
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

Quote from the episode Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Pastor Jeff: Now, for a psalm 100 bookmark, who can name the apostles? [Billy raises his hand] Billy.
Billy Sparks: Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
Pastor Jeff: Those are dwarves. Anyone else?

Quote from the episode Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Billy Sparks: This licorice tastes terrible.
Missy: It's plastic. You use it to weave a lanyard.
Billy Sparks: No, it's licorice.

Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken

George Sr.: I'm gonna take him to the emergency room. Come on. You gonna be okay?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Have fun!

Quote from the episode A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff

Dale: Hey, uh, Cooper, you know, I think I'm gonna have you sit this one out and let Powell pitch.
Missy: Really?
Dale: Yeah. Kind of like to save your arm for the playoffs, okay?
Missy: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Do you want to save my arm, too?
Dale: No.
Billy Sparks: How about my legs?
Dale: You know, Billy, you never fail to brighten my day.
Billy Sparks: Cool.

Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel

Billy Sparks: Missy, will you rub your cross on my bat?
Missy: No.
Mary: Have you been doing that?
Missy: On mine. It's working great.
Billy Sparks: Please? I'll give you a dollar.
Missy: Fine.
Mary: What do you think you're doing?
Missy: Sharing God's love and making some cash. Absolutely not.
Billy Sparks: How about I give you the dollar?
Mary: God's love has nothing to do with money.
Missy: What about the collection plate at church?
Mary: That is different.
Billy Sparks: That's where I found this dollar.
Mary: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Bye.

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon, if your pizza's too hot, put ice on it. That's what I did.