Adult Sheldon: I didn't have the physical stature to assist Tommy in a brawl, but I did have something far more lethal: my once in a generation brain.

Adult Sheldon: Conventional wisdom tells us that when one stands up to a bully, the bully will inevitably back down and respect you for your courage. My experience suggests otherwise. When Jason finally caught me, he had the good sense not to commit assault and battery.
This did not, however, prevent him from imprisoning me in his locker.
That was a very long night. Very long.

Adult Sheldon: News of my friendship with Tommy had apparently spread.
So much so, the student body was finally treating me with the respect I deserved, even when Tommy wasn't around. This must be how Carl Sagan felt, walking through the halls of PBS.

Adult Sheldon: Like Superman in a phone booth, I was no stranger to undressing in my gym locker. But not today. Thanks to Tommy, I was invincible.

Adult Sheldon: A fossil is formed when an organism, preserved in sediment, undergoes physical compression over millions of years. Less than one ten-thousandth percent of living organisms will become fossils. Isn't it amazing that something so fragile can defy those odds, only to have this happen to it-
[Tam hits a fossil with a hammer and it breaks into pieces]
Sheldon: I don't think you did that right.

Sheldon: Who was that?
George Jr.: No one.
Sheldon: Why did he push you?
George Jr.: None of your business.
Sheldon: But that was a clear violation of the student code of conduct. We need to tell on him.
George Jr.: We're not telling on anyone, stay out of it.
Sheldon: But the student code of conduct-
George Jr.: Drop it.
Adult Sheldon: So I did drop it ... for six whole minutes.

Adult Sheldon: For many children, their happiest memory is the day they learned to ride a bike.
For others, it's when they got their first puppy. For me, it was the day I received a box of 57 defective smoke detectors loaded with americium-241.

George Sr.: Okay, here we go, Sheldon. One "precision astronomical refractor telescope."
Sheldon: Wow. Thanks, Dad.
Adult Sheldon: For the next few weeks, my guilt-ridden father continued to lavish me with gifts. Then the football playoffs started and that was that.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I was in too much pain to tell my father, "I told you so." But for years after, I reminded him constantly.

Ms. Ingram: A quadrilateral that can be inscribed in a circle is an example of a cyclic polygon.
[Sheldon groans] Sheldon, don't argue with me, I'm looking at it right here.
Adult Sheldon: While Nurse Nora's special medicine had given me a temporary reprieve, my pain had escalated to a 4.9. Although Ms. Ingram's questionable math skills certainly weren't helping.

Sheldon: So one-fourth of the 12 pieces of pie is?
Missy: Three?
Sheldon: Yes. And one-third of the 12 pieces is?
Missy: Four?
Sheldon: Yes. Now how much is one-third of the pie plus one-fourth of the pie?
Missy: Well, three plus four is seven, but there's 12 pieces, so seven-twelve-iths.
Sheldon: It's twelfths. And yes.
Missy: I did it.
Adult Sheldon: Actually, I did it. In less than ten minutes, I taught fractions to a monkey.

Adult Sheldon: In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, we learned how humans taught the apes to become civilized. Which I think should start with potty training, but I'm not a screenwriter.

Adult Sheldon: And that's how I became the madcap prankster all my friends know and love.

Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.
Sheldon: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.
Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.
Sheldon: Well, um, that doesn't make it true.
Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.
Sheldon: I guess I will.
Adult Sheldon: Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

Adult Sheldon: As a child, I never understood the sacrifices my father made for his family's happiness, which made me somewhat less compassionate than I should've been.
Sheldon: Yay. We're not moving.

Adult Sheldon: : As we sat in silence, I had a horrible realization. For the first time in my life, I didn't look forward to doing my homework.

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

Adult Sheldon: Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

Adult Sheldon: I've fought many digital battles in my life, but none are as memorable as this first one with my Meemaw. By handing me the controller, she was telling me she believed in me. That inside my small, fragile frame beat the heart of a hero.

Adult Sheldon: Even while sleeping, my quest to save the princess continued, which was quite a departure from my usual dreams, such as determining the coolest prime number Which, by the way, is 73.