Adult Sheldon: At that moment, I felt a subtle heat rising through my body. I was used to being humiliated by my siblings on a daily basis, but from my mother? This was new territory.

Adult Sheldon: My new adult responsibilities began that night. Luckily, a cookbook is nothing more than a set of instructions. And if there's one thing I shine at, it's following instructions.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.

Adult Sheldon: When people wonder why Radio Shack eventually went out of business, you can point to this moment.

Adult Sheldon: The good news was most of our neighborhood was spared. The bad news: my mother thought she had something to do with it.

Adult Sheldon: In any ecosystem, you'll find a delicate balance between predator and prey.
Some well-known predators include Panthera leo, Ursus arctos, and star of the 1987 film Predator, Predator. Now, examples of prey include Oryctolagus cuniculus, Gallus gallus domesticus, and weighing in at 58 pounds soaking wet, Diminutive homo novus Curiously, a close relative of Gallus gallus domesticus.

Adult Sheldon: The perilous journey from the bus stop to my front door was 97.5 meters. FYI, insisting on using the metric system in East Texas is another reason I was hunted by predators.

Adult Sheldon: Existing in a world of predators isn't easy, but we prey have developed several natural defenses to help us survive. There's playing dead, warning calls, camouflage, and, last but certainly not least, good old-fashioned running away. A little screaming never hurts either.

Adult Sheldon: On any given day, our school gymnasium presented a cocktail of horrors. From daily humiliation to school-sanctioned violence. But one day a year, the gymnasium was transformed into a haven of learning thanks to a remarkable institution known as the science fair. A chance for the student body to come together in the name of research and progress. Uh, while some did the bare minimum, and others preferred razzamatazz over raw data, I set out to save humanity from deadly asteroids.
And made it all neatly fit on three poster boards. The science fair may be a competition, but when the goal is promoting knowledge, we're all winners.

Adult Sheldon: Mr. Lundy gave a compelling speech. The audience did deserve to see what they came for, an eager boy bravely taking on the role of Little Orphan Annie. And in that respect, they were not disappointed.

Adult Sheldon: I'd tell you how an East Texas audience in 1989 responded to a grown man playing Annie, but I think you know.

Adult Sheldon: The addition of Libby brought a level of sophistication to our lunchtime discussion.
Her mom also packed extra string cheese, which is a well-known social lubricant.

Adult Sheldon: And so, our little social circle grew from two to three. An early example of how people are just drawn to me.

Adult Sheldon: What was happening was, like many men before me, I was being seduced by the exotic world of geology.

Adult Sheldon: We searched for tektites in a nearby ravine. Tektites are natural glass formed during meteorite impacts. They also bear a close resemblance to raccoon feces, so I wisely adopted a "no touching tektites" policy.

Adult Sheldon: It's called perfect cleavage when gypsum separates this cleanly. I was so proud of Tam for not making an immature cleavage joke.
Tam: Look at me, I'm touching cleavage.
Adult Sheldon: Until he made one.

Adult Sheldon: And, like Mother Nature's piñata, geodes contained a secret surprise inside. But you didn't have to suffer through a birthday party to enjoy it.

Adult Sheldon: Whoever said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach did not consider his tiny bladder.

Adult Sheldon: Anger is an ugly emotion. Unbridled rage even more so. And when it bubbled up inside me, I channeled it the only way I knew how. I cleaned the house like a man possessed.

Adult Sheldon: I've often been accused of being stubborn and willful, but sometimes it works like gangbusters.